Fear of dating Again (F O D A)

Yeah I have your attention now heh? 

When do you know when you're ready to go back and trouble the boy-girl waters? Why would anyone want a storm when you can smooth sail? 

I have been, and I am too comfortable with my life as it is. Like I am not going to lie to you, I am not spontaneous. I don't wake up and say 'today I will have lunch in Greece, get a tattoo on my forehead and then dye my hair green.' Yeah... No. I like routine... Actually I love routine! I like to know that am going to wake up, have zero drama except for the one that goes on in my head, get excited about having oat meal for dinner and go to my bed in my house, sleep on my tummy with my face facing the mirror or the wall.' I like plans. Plans are good for me.

Lately, I have had people urge and nudge me to go on dates. To be honest I don't know the differences between dating, seeing each other and being in a relationship. It's all the same thing to me. Personally, I need the relationship defined otherwise if we are dating we are in a relationship, no? 

Have you gone on a date before? It takes a week to pick out what to wear! Then you have to act nonchalant like that's how you dress everyday. You then order for chips because you're afraid of messing your clothes. Then there’s that awkward end of the night walk… to WHERE? Does the person drop you off? If yes, to where? Your house? car? cab? (Clearly I don't think about this at all!)

Moving on... so my adulty (adulty: a person who has 40 years or more) friend gave me some advice. She encouraged me to date as much as I can in my 20s and then I suppose begin to settle down in my 30s. Now I know she meant well but I am not programmed like that. First off that sounds tedious. I did thank her though for telling me to be open minded about giving people a chance and she did tell me that Darcy is out there. 

I told her I would work on being open minded, but I will not go on a dating spree because I would rather love find me. I know you're probably wondering how will things find you when you're just seated in your house? I wish I had a more interesting answer to give. Just like how everything else has found me without me looking for it, so will this. I want every aspect of my life to be a 'wow' moment. I don't want ordinary. I want to be mind blown. I want me to ask me, 'where did this come from?' I want everyone to see with me and say 'look what The Lord has done'. Yeah... I'll just be here sipping on these strawberry daiquiris until Darcy comes hither. 

Who has settled for less before? Who has been bitten one too many times? Don't give up on love... It will come and find you even when people laugh at your naïveté. You do deserve good things; you don't have to settle for less. You deserve to have all that the world has to offer? Sometimes you find yourself asking 'what is wrong with me?' Or 'why can't I seem to get it right?' Or 'why do the people I like leave so suddenly or don't like me back?'

Stop torturing yourself. Honey...people are just trying to figure themselves out too. That doesn't mean there's something wrong with you, the fitting might not be right. Take a break sometimes and wait it out a bit. Don't chase after things that aren't meant for you. Keep patient for what's truly meant to be yours. People might not understand but I promise you love will find you. 

Here is to your soon imperfect happily ever after! (Does that make sense? In my head it does)

THOU SHALT CHANGE THE GAME

Sometimes I can't tell the difference between my dreams and my reality. Some days you're on top of the world, and are going many miles per hour and other days you're just searching for sense out of the present. 

Well I stopped trying to understand life because I am a finite being. See trying to make sense of the 'whys' and the 'hows' always left me so drained. My routine is this, I wake up and I just open up to the endless possibilities God has for me. Some days are fantastic, other days erh not so much but this one statement stands true. 'There is always always always something to be grateful' for in each day.  

For 30 days am going to write down one thing I am grateful for in each day. This will help me to practice gratitude. I hope you'll join me in this, and I will blog my list in the next post. If you want me to share your list on the blog, feel free to email it to me at ev3lyn_kr@yahoo.com. 

I think these next 31 days are going to be the most amazing days ever. I'll see you here on 11th September. Yes? Have a wonderful month.

Remember this 'thou shalt change the game' this year!  

Ps. Blogs to check out

• I call her the next Chimamanda check out Elma's blog 'On my tippy toes'. She writes so beautifully! How do I know her? She's one of my oldest friends and I promise you that you will fall in love with every sentence on her blog.
• Check out Nora's blog 'Lookin' for the pot of gold'. She writes with such depth and honesty describing the enigma that is the human heart and the constant fight against human nature.