Now re-obsessed with - Electric feel- MGMT (Preston Pohl version too)
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I keep a vision book...(wipe off that confusion, I am going to explain what that is). So, a vision book isn't a diary or journal and I honestly don't know the difference between those two. A vision book is a much cooler version of the journary (journal/diary), and it's less suspicious (no need to check into a cray house) because it's the "middle child" sort of case.
In my vision book I write down my aspirations, my visions, the heavy prayers, the occasional grocery list, and 'to do' lists.
Yesterday, I had a look at my vision book because I hadn't opened it in what seemed like forever! There I was reading some of my prayers, and I sort of had this cringe-fest for one going on. The prayers were raw and simple. They were mostly desperate prayers. Have you ever made a desperate prayer? If yes, then you know exactly what am talking about. When I made/wrote down those prayers, those were some of my very honest moments. Mostly because I was at the end of myself, vulnerable, almost lost. I do pray for, and write down some of the most impossible things for man and myself. I like that I do that because I am not afraid to ask God. He isn't limited by anything and I do believe that He is well able to deliver when His timing is right for me. (I just have to master patience...oh dear!)
Flipping through the pages of my vision book, I found so many 'Thank you God...You did come through' scribbles next to my written prayers. Have you watched that mama Joyce podcast where she reads to us her prayers in her journals and how they were answered? Keeping records is so necessary and I am glad I took on this habit quite early on.
I thought we could try this thing where I write here a few of the entries in my vision book so we can all have our hope and faith renewed, mine has most certainly been renewed after my little journey to the past. (I just dropped Aaliyah on you, I bet you didn't see that one coming :-) )
Entries
August 2011- sometimes I feel like I am giving you too much of me and that's not your fault because I do indulge you. (do you feel the frustration?)
7/03/12- I am so sad
13/03/12- I need patience for life, patience for school, patience for people, patience for our resident cards
25/03/12- Jesus, it's been three months now and nothing from Nairobi. I know you will deliver because You never fail us Jesus. I thank You for our victory.
October 2012- I feel like I am about to lose hope
Vision- 10/12- the success of Eve and Nico business (and now as a company we are looking into Home Decor...literally blows my mind)
19/11/12- HELP ME PLEASE...people look at me like I have it ALL figured out but we both know I do not...it's hard now but it won't be hard soon. (Falling apart on the inside but the outside looks pretty stunning, who's been there?)
07/12/12- "sometimes you have to walk into things by faith and sometimes you have to walk away from things by faith"
December/08/12- "we pay a high cost for a cheap thrill" (If you're into that sort of instantaneous YOLO,
December 2012- Resident cards are here! Thank You God
New year
9/04/13- "it's not what we do once that brings victory in our lives, it's what we do over and over and over and over again."
June 2013- apply for graduate assistantship job (one long story including filling in the wrong application)
04/september/2013- thank You God, We got the assistantship
21/september/2013- twenty things I am grateful for (pastor Carl Lentz advised me to make a list)
1. Graduate assistantship
2. Internship with my fave NGO
3. Tuition paid
4. My new friend Genesis
5. Blog
... And 15 more things I am not going to write down.
All these are just sentences and quotes removed from their whole original context but here's what I am trying to put across. I look back at the moments I was sad and had no idea if I was going to be happy and when I was to meet this happiness, the moments where I was waiting for something to happen, the moments of uncertainty, and these moments exist every other day for us all.What kept and keeps me going is HOPE, and when I document these things for myself, I want to be able to look back and have palpable evidence that everything and I mean EVERYTHING is going to be more than just fine even when the skies are grey. That every situation is temporary and MY GHOSH! our attitudes can make things better or worse.
I had the choice to let what I was feeling on the inside dictate my actions because quite frankly I had all the rights to throwing a mad pity party, but I chose to focus on someone bigger than me and bigger than my situations. You too have a CHOICE, a choice to break free or to remain in the cages of burden.
In March, I told my sister that I wanted to blog about my peace and my happiness but I expressed my concerns to her that I didn't want to rub my happiness in people's faces. I felt like it would be selfish of me. And it's safe to say that I am glad I didn't blog about happiness because that too is a fleeting emotion. Joy is the ultimate goal, because joy is unwavering. I make it a daily choice to wake up every day and tell myself that whatever the day brings, joy will cushion the blow. Now, that doesn't mean I am going to spend the entire day laughing out loud like a hyena. It means that I have pre-decided to be joyful. I don't want to be grey, and bitter. I don't want my presence to be heavy on people. Our days are numbered and you really want to make sure you live a life YOU would be proud of.
I know we are all of different faiths and we might not agree about many things but you can agree with me that hope and faith are so essential to us while we do this life!
Live above all the sorrow, all the negativity, all the hurts, the hopelessness...live above it...let's not just survive and be content with just having our heads above the water, let's CONQUER.
Ps. Every day is THE day to have a good day...LIVE your life even in the storm so you can TELL your story on the other side.
