Open Letter: Defying Gravity

Dear friend,

I had my very first TV interview today. I had known about it for two weeks, forgot about it until the phone call. Honest to goodness I didn't think much about it from the first time I was told of the opportunity until last night aka the night before the big day. 

I convinced myself that it wouldn't be as hard and that I actually knew what I was talking about because I know the products in the shop, I know where each is situated, I know the origin of each product, I know whatever there is to know about the material and textures involved and, I know it because I've been around it too long not to know. 

I'm no superstar. Do I enjoy being in the spotlight? Not necessarily, I do not care much for it but I understand its financial benefits and its impact on creating awareness. 

I sat there not knowing which camera to look at, words mumbo jumbo in my head, and although it wasn't 100% what I wanted to say (of course conveniently everything I should have said came to my mind on my way home), I am not disappointed in myself. 

Sure I could have said more. I had started to beat myself up but then I got a hold of myself. I am not going to be  hard on myself, I have left that role to the viewers. I on the other hand, I'm going to have compassion on myself, and I'm going to look in the mirror and tell myself that 'I am proud of me, this is just the beginning, we are still in practice because one day I am going to be on CNN and when that day comes, I will be good at interviews and I will know what camera to look at and I will say all that I have to say and most importantly I will say something that will inspire someone to dream stupidly like I do'. I will not give into the temptation of perfection. I am not trying to make a case for mediocrity, I don't like mediocrity and I am not for it but I am human, and humans are relatable.

Dear friend, today just like that time I sat inside a radio facility, just like that time I sat in the General Assembly hall, God in His mercy and kindness has showed me yet another glimpse into how His plans for us are not limited by our incapabilities, not limited by our lack of big words or proper grammar, not limited by our education, not limited by our weaknesses, not limited by our background, not limited by our gender and definitely not limited by our resources. Did He say it and will He not do it? Then He will do it through you whether you're sleeping or awake. Whether there's an army against you or not. So dream, what's the harm in that? Yet again I'm filled with hope, overflowing into the future and knowing without fear or uncertainty that 'it is well'.

Dear friend, I... I haven't even done the work, I haven't sweated or struggled as much. I thank God for my mother and for being patient with me as I learn, as I make up excuses for things being out of my element, she takes chances on me, and although we are like Gilmore girls, she's more my rock than I hers. My mother, what a woman!

And to my Guntz... Although I was the 'star' of the day, you were the truest star in my eyes, your ability to be present, your selflessness, your surprises and, your heart make me want to get on a 9 hour bus to Pitts. I hope you know you have my heart. 

It's bed time. My heart is full. The makeup is off. Speaking of makeup, I understand why people would wear makeup everyday, I felt like a mermaid! I had chiseled cheeks, eyebrows were on fleek (literally), eyelashes like brooms. I mean friend, I kid you not, I was checking myself out in every mirror, every angle, telling myself 'I can tap that' whatever the 'that' is and although I enjoyed it, I am happy to be back to my bare face, it doesn't photograph as well, but am sure I can find some good lighting.

In the meantime, I hope we shall both dare to  dream. I hope we shall both believe that the best is yet to come. I hope we shall both work hard. I hope we shall both appreciate now and work towards tomorrow. I hope we shall understand that hunger and thirst for better is good but have discernment to judge for ourselves what is profitable to our souls and the souls of others and what is a destruction to our souls and the souls of others. I hope we shall never be afraid of failure. I hope we shall not be afraid of success. I hope that we shall always be aware that our existence is not only for our benefit but for the benefit of everyone God has put in our lives.

X

Your mind friend

50 random facts about me

1. I love to sleep, so much that I plan my social life around my bed time.

2. I like to be carried on the back. I guess I wasn't carried enough as a child or I was carried a lot. It could go either way. 

3. When I have children I'd like them to have my name as their middle name and the father's as last name like 'Jolie-Pitt' but like 'karungi-*insert husband's name'. 

4. When am angry in a text convo I use French to end that convo... Oui et d'accord on those rare occasions I suggest to stay away. Ps. In my head I'm French. Also in my head a lot of things are right.

5. Ice cream any day... My Candy and I would go to the gym and then immediately go to costcutter for ice cream. Thank you Haley for trying with us. 

6. Fave colour red, but I like black, and white and grey.

7. When am asked how many children I want, I say 9. I don't know if am kidding or not.

8. I love bread! I love bread so much. Sometimes I go to restaurants just to eat their bread. I love bread.

9. I love New York, I don't care how dirty it is, I don't care how cattle crowded the subway is at 5pm-7pm (I care a bit), I love New York.

10. I love French, the language, the clothes, the people. I just want to bathe in French and come out speaking mademoiselle Chanel seulement! 

11. I eat more rice and chicken than the average person. F'real I eat rice and chicken A LOT!

12. I have two cook books 'can't cook cookbook' and 'how to boil water' (cooking is something I've recently taken on because I don't want my children to eat at the neighbours')

13. I don't like tight clothes... They are uncomfortable.

14. Tshirts any day, all day, any way.

15. I'm mostly absent minded.

16. Forgetful is my middle name. I think if it's not dealt with right now I am highly likely to forget my baby in the delivery room. I kid you not! (let's start to rebuke that!) 

17. Tea Tea Tea... A world without tea is a world I would not want to live in. The bigger the mug the better, with the exception of small cutesy cups of course.

18. I like going to bookstores, there's something about a building filled with books top to bottom.

19. I like pretty stationery... Kate spade has harvested my monies! Her line is just so pretty, glitter, flowers. Can you tell am a tomboy?

20. Amir in the kite runner made me so angry, I had to stop reading the book for 2-3 days to get my emotions straight.

21. Although darcy is the man of my dreams (and I think he should stay there... Dreams) David is the man of my heart. That's the kind of person I'd want to grow old with and father my children and he better have the dance moves too.

22. Am convinced I sound like Mariah Carey when I sing.

23. I have the most eclectic group of friends... I cover all age groups. My oldest friend is 80 years plus and my youngest friend is 7 years. 

24. I sleep in the same bed space the entire night, the other side remains mostly untouched.

25. I don't like to confront. I will avoid it all costs. It's just too uncomfortable, I'd rather eat cheese.

26. I hate cheese.

27. If I like you, I automatically shorten your name. If you're already called 'A' I will call you /- 

28. My parents tell me they love me everyday.

29. I get a lot of free things which is great because I really like free things.

30. I watch telenovelas and I like them. I am still watching 'rebelde way'. Also Mia in rebelde way is Micheal Bublé's wife. Now you know.

31. I like short clothes, I am already short so I don't want to get lost in long clothes! It's hard out on these height streets.

32. I want to go to Senegal. 

33. I want to go to Monaco. 

34. Grasshoppers are the next best thing after sleep and ice cream.

35. I travel with my bible... Literal life. I panic without it. I might not even open it but it has to be there.

36. I dance in shops, as long as music is playing my legs will move. I'm mostly embarrassing.

37. I slapped a girl in primary 4 and my hand made a hand-stamp on her face. I also bit a girl's skin off in primary 5. I have since dealt with my anger issues as it was very unbecoming.

38. I like peculiar people.

39. I think friends is the best show on TV and there will be none like it ever! (In my books anyway)

40. I don't know how to tell funny stories but that's not stopped me.

41. I don't know how to ride a bicycle. Mostly afraid of falling. Am too old for scars. 

42. I like gifts, forget 'it's the thought that counts' no 'it's the gift that counts'.

43. I am a feminist. If I were to describe what kind of feminist I am, (as we have types) mine is between Jane Austen and Chimamanda Ngozi Adichie.

44. Chances are the first time you meet me, my hair will be in 'Maria' also known as pulled back in a pony tail. I am very lazy with hair and not creative at all.

45. I've accidentally hit a boda boda man. Before you get dramatic. He is very much alive. While I was still in shock, a gentleman asked the crowd not to overwhelm me as I was a young girl and clearly afraid, and he volunteered to drive me home but I wasn't that traumatised and therefore declined his generous offer. 

46. When I meet people who are trying to sell something to me in NYC, I speak in rutooro. Don't judge me, sometimes one has to do what one needs to do.

47. I will be going to the golden globes in January 2016. I'm still letting that sink in.

48. I am convinced that Meryl Streep is my godmother. 

49. I am convinced that Morgan Freeman is my godfather.

50. In our home, I have 'my spot' everyone knows that I've marked that territory. I am such a Sheldon.

OPEN HEART POLICY

Loving people isn't easy ya'll (somebody scream 'yaaaa sista') we are not easy to love at all. It is very challenging but I want to make love my love language. 

I want to love people till it exhausts me because I want to live a blessed life. I want to forgive so easily, I want to be steady, and I want people to feel comfortable around me. 

Sometimes we shall feel like people don't deserve our love, but do we deserve their love? What qualifies us and what disqualifies them? 

We search for the meaning of life blah blah blah but truth be told LOVE is the meaning of life that's why we have hearts. 

I am not afraid of being hurt anymore. I refuse to live my life in 'the fear of being hurt zone' because now I have experienced freedom and it is liberating. We all know what it feels like to be hurt and sometimes we are the people doing the hurting whether intentionally or unintentionally. It's part of life. That said, we have a choice to love through the hurt or to be bitter and burdened through life. 

Each morning wake up and be determined to be love, to love God, to love others, to love yourself, to love your life. Let love be the theme of your life and I promise you, your life will be a continuous unfolding of beautiful people, things and moments. What a magnificent way to live! 

How to live a blessed life

1. Love God 

2. Love others 

“You’re blessed when you’re content with just who you are—no more, no less. That’s the moment you find yourselves proud owners of everything that can’t be bought."

“You’re blessed when you’ve worked up a good appetite for God. He’s food and drink is the best meal you’ll ever eat."

“You’re blessed when you care. At the moment of being ‘care-full,’ you find yourselves cared for."

“You’re blessed when you get your inside world—your mind and heart—put right. Then you can see God in the outside world."

“You’re blessed when you can show people how to cooperate instead of compete or fight. That’s when you discover who you really are, and your place in God’s family.”

‭‭

Matthew‬ ‭5:5-9‬ ‭MSG‬‬

On being Black - Black people problems

New Instagram account: @breakthroughblog 

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‘Black people is a term used in certain countries, often in socially based systems of racial classification or of ethnicity, to describe persons who are perceived to be dark-skinned compared to other given populations.’ Who comes up with these definitions?

When I am asked to describe myself, black isn’t part of the adjectives I would use, and not because my skin is a lighter shade in comparison to my countrymen. I have always been somewhat blind to racial prejudices. I am from a continent and country where separation isn’t based on the colour of our skins. What tends to separate us is based on tribe, religion and football teams never the colour of our skins.

Everything I knew about racism I had read in books, and even still, I did not entirely comprehend. Maybe there are certain things you have to live through to fully understand the weight of the issue.

I still don’t entirely understand racism because my brain has failed to register why any race, any human would think oneself better than the other when we are all going to die at the end of the day. Spoiler alert

Three years living in the land of the free and the home of the brave I still do not understand why racism is alive, well and, flourishing.

I have been painfully aware of my skin color but I don’t particularly feel sorry for myself; after all, I have a box to check on the ethnic origin form. I have a language. I know my ancestry. I have a home.

I made a friend late last year, ethnicity - African American, she stumbled upon our eclectic shop, and I sensed she was burdened. As she got more comfortable with me, she shared the struggles of being African American. How could she be American when she didn’t belong? How could she be American when she didn’t feel protected? How could she be African American when she does not know what African country her ancestors originated from? Where exactly is her place in her own country?

Charleston church shooting - June 17, 2015

Prominent people in “shock” and “enraged” called the shooting in Charleston ‘an unthinkable act’, news everywhere labelled it as ‘an unthinkable violence’. Am I the only one who wants to add ‘LOL’ at the end of those comments? UNTHINKABLE? Seriously? Really?

Let’s bring out our dictionaries and define ‘unthinkable’ - (of a situation or event) too unlikely or undesirable to be considered a possibility. Had it been the first act of violence towards African Americans it would have perfectly qualified as ‘unthinkable’ but it wasn’t. Why? Because this violence has been ongoing for ages and every story dies as fast as it started and the country moves on to something as silly as ‘who can wear a crop top.’ The root of racism has never been uprooted and will it ever be?

I like what Charles P Pierce, (in which we confront the dark heart of America, again) wrote in the wake of the shooting, ‘…somebody thought long and hard about it. Somebody thought to load the weapon. Somebody thought to pick the church. Somebody thought to sit, quietly, through some of Wednesday night bible study. Somebody thought to stand up and open fire, killing nine people, including the pastor. Somebody reportedly thought to leave one woman alive so she could tell his story to the world. Somebody thought enough to flee. What happened in that church was a lot of things, but unthinkable is not one of them.’

For a while I only spoke about racism in my mind, I was afraid of what feelings would come out of me so I just ignored what did not directly affect me.

I see how we are looked at when we go to fancy restaurants, I feel the reluctance to serve us when we first make entrance in an upscale department store, I see the surprise on people’s faces when they find out I am an African who speaks English, because I am supposed to speak moo?

Although those are seemingly little things, there are many people who are suffering from brutal violence, unemployment and racial injustice, although we have a choice to choose our battles, we never should remain silent in the face of any and all injustice. Black or White, we all should be equal, 'hating people because of their colour is wrong. And it doesn't matter which colour does the hating.It's just plain wrong.' Muhammed Ali

There’s just about enough injustice in the world to go around, in the words of Charles P Pierce, ‘think about what happened. Think about why it happened. Talk about what happened. Talk about why it happened. Do these things, over and over again’ until our tears, our losses haunt those who we trusted with the highest positions to do something beautifully controversial for all the underdogs.

“This is one country. It has become one country because all of us and all the people who came here had an equal chance to develop their talents. We cannot say to ten percent of the population that you can’t have that right; that your children cannot have the chance to develop whatever talents they have; that the only way that they are going to get their rights is to go in the street and demonstrate. I think we owe them and we owe ourselves a better country than that.” J F Kennedy, Civil Rights address.

WELCOME TO ADULTHOOD: Us trying to get our lives together

Bills bills bills, who's gonna pay my telephone bills? Who's gonna pay my bills! (REMIX)

People of the world, you don't even understand how much I dislike 1st-14th of each month! Actually some of you get me, I see you boo. 

Dude...Verizon wireless! (selah, pause and think deeply on that). 

Dear verizon,I bless your full coverage network but HELLO I ain't your sugar mummy! How are you gonna charge a girl dash amount of money every month? Well...well...well, guess who's only using wifi now? Oh yeah I did that! BOOM.
Sincerely,
yours truly. (And that my friend is C-L-O-S-U-R-E)

Verizon aside, seriously my gym membership has been a total and complete waste!!! This right here is completely my fault and I take full responsibility. I guess aiming for hulk abs was way way out of my pocket and comfort zone. Next year I won't sign a contract! For heaven's sake I did contract law (which I hated) and yet it still surprises me how often I find myself in these disappointing entanglements? I shall extend grace to self and forgive self. 

Speaking of gym, am I the only person always getting picked on by instructors for not doing something right? There's got to be a small army of us picked on-ers out there. Anyway, the trick to overcome an instructor's unsolicited attention is simple. Listen attentively, this works or your money back. 

Whenever an instructor picks on me and uses his small microphone for the entire class to SEE me (like I wasn't struggling enough), I just look at someone else with this confused look that reads 'he better naht be talking to me coz my work out skills are on fleek...*taps weave*' try that out. You just have to take on another personality for such situations.

I shall not drift.

Growing up is a trap if you haven't figured that out yet. I miss the days I would spend half my money, (I lie), 3/4 of my money on frivolous purchases and an endless supply of Chinese take out! I love Chinese food, (am such a cliche) but I will naht go to China coz my home slice spoilt that experience for me. This is what you get when you live vicariously. 

Drifting drifting... 

Anyhow...

Now that I am over a certain age, *plays sad music and sings goodbye to childish ways* am planning Verizon, I'm speaking Verizon, I'm sleeping Verizon! How expensive is hair though? Am making a decision to go BOLD! *slap slap get it together* I take that back. 

As much as my sister and I sit down and laugh at my transition into adulthood, it has it's perks. Like absolutely owning who you are and not being ashamed of it, going to Duane reade and using your credit card to pay for a 99 cents plus tax item just to get cash back because of course that's what adults do.

Yes, being an adult makes me feel like you can't tell me nothing with the exception of passport control in any given country, I will listen, and I will listen good.  

Being an adult is so bawss (urban dictionary actually has a definition for that). You can live on less and you can live on more, you just make it work. Your life is not in order but you're doing it, you're not unsteady, you're taking steps, some mastered, some frightening, and mostly uncertain but you call the shots babe! 

What's even more comforting is that no one has it all figured out. We only know for certain what is now, and sometimes that is enough.

PART 2

For my mind friends

Dear friend,

I've been in such a good mood lately, can you tell? 

Here's one verse that I've been meditating on here and there and it's refocused my mind. What are you believing for that is totally hopeless in the natural? Keep believing even when it doesn't make any sense, it's okay to have people laugh at your dreams or your childish like belief, not everyone understands faith. But even when you don't know the hows and the whats and blah blah blah, keep the faith. Even when you feel unworthy, know that God's love won't be undone. Keep the faith. Some days are going to be bad, I know that, and faith will seem silly but I promise you, you won't regret it. 

Jeremiah 32:16-19 (The Message version) and it's so beautiful... 'Dear God, my master You created earth and sky by Your great power, by merely stretching out your arm! There is NOTHING You can't do. You're loyal in Your steadfast love...' That verse. Now go be awesome you little rebel you!

Your mind friend.

X

HIV AIDS...YES, IT'S STILL AN ISSUE

In 2010, I came in touch with people who have greatly influenced my life, my passions and how I see people. Alive Medical Services (AMS) challenged me, and pushed me to feel, to move but most importantly to act. Dr. Pasquine and her husband Dr. Adebiyi run AMS with compassion, kindness, love and patience. (I'm not even kidding, these guys are like rainbows)

I have one question I ask Dr. Pasquine every time I visit AMS, 'How do you do this?' The entire team has got some kind of special grace or gift to do what they do, because hours into the gate, I leave overwhelmed. The AMS team does such a phenomenal job, they love and take care of over 12,000 HIV positive clients. How life changing is that?!

To join efforts with AMS, they have launched their very first online fundraising campaign. (We have only 26 days left.) For most of you who were not able to attend our AMS fundraiser in 2010 but desired and still have the desire to be part of this great cause, this is your chance to literally give life.

The funds collected will help AMS maintain their high quality, comprehensive services. And did I mention AMS provides FREE food to its clients?

Please spread the word and share this link to make a donation. This is Africa vs AIDS, SPOILER ALERT....Africa is winning!
http://www.globalgiving.org/projects/comprehensive-hiv-treatment-for-12000-ugandans/