Dear friend,
I had my very first TV interview today. I had known about it for two weeks, forgot about it until the phone call. Honest to goodness I didn't think much about it from the first time I was told of the opportunity until last night aka the night before the big day.
I convinced myself that it wouldn't be as hard and that I actually knew what I was talking about because I know the products in the shop, I know where each is situated, I know the origin of each product, I know whatever there is to know about the material and textures involved and, I know it because I've been around it too long not to know.
I'm no superstar. Do I enjoy being in the spotlight? Not necessarily, I do not care much for it but I understand its financial benefits and its impact on creating awareness.
I sat there not knowing which camera to look at, words mumbo jumbo in my head, and although it wasn't 100% what I wanted to say (of course conveniently everything I should have said came to my mind on my way home), I am not disappointed in myself.
Sure I could have said more. I had started to beat myself up but then I got a hold of myself. I am not going to be hard on myself, I have left that role to the viewers. I on the other hand, I'm going to have compassion on myself, and I'm going to look in the mirror and tell myself that 'I am proud of me, this is just the beginning, we are still in practice because one day I am going to be on CNN and when that day comes, I will be good at interviews and I will know what camera to look at and I will say all that I have to say and most importantly I will say something that will inspire someone to dream stupidly like I do'. I will not give into the temptation of perfection. I am not trying to make a case for mediocrity, I don't like mediocrity and I am not for it but I am human, and humans are relatable.
Dear friend, today just like that time I sat inside a radio facility, just like that time I sat in the General Assembly hall, God in His mercy and kindness has showed me yet another glimpse into how His plans for us are not limited by our incapabilities, not limited by our lack of big words or proper grammar, not limited by our education, not limited by our weaknesses, not limited by our background, not limited by our gender and definitely not limited by our resources. Did He say it and will He not do it? Then He will do it through you whether you're sleeping or awake. Whether there's an army against you or not. So dream, what's the harm in that? Yet again I'm filled with hope, overflowing into the future and knowing without fear or uncertainty that 'it is well'.
Dear friend, I... I haven't even done the work, I haven't sweated or struggled as much. I thank God for my mother and for being patient with me as I learn, as I make up excuses for things being out of my element, she takes chances on me, and although we are like Gilmore girls, she's more my rock than I hers. My mother, what a woman!
And to my Guntz... Although I was the 'star' of the day, you were the truest star in my eyes, your ability to be present, your selflessness, your surprises and, your heart make me want to get on a 9 hour bus to Pitts. I hope you know you have my heart.
It's bed time. My heart is full. The makeup is off. Speaking of makeup, I understand why people would wear makeup everyday, I felt like a mermaid! I had chiseled cheeks, eyebrows were on fleek (literally), eyelashes like brooms. I mean friend, I kid you not, I was checking myself out in every mirror, every angle, telling myself 'I can tap that' whatever the 'that' is and although I enjoyed it, I am happy to be back to my bare face, it doesn't photograph as well, but am sure I can find some good lighting.
In the meantime, I hope we shall both dare to dream. I hope we shall both believe that the best is yet to come. I hope we shall both work hard. I hope we shall both appreciate now and work towards tomorrow. I hope we shall understand that hunger and thirst for better is good but have discernment to judge for ourselves what is profitable to our souls and the souls of others and what is a destruction to our souls and the souls of others. I hope we shall never be afraid of failure. I hope we shall not be afraid of success. I hope that we shall always be aware that our existence is not only for our benefit but for the benefit of everyone God has put in our lives.
X
Your mind friend
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