2015: We are Brave

How is your miracle to happen if you're not placed 'where feet may fail'? We have this desire for great things to happen to us but those great things won't find us in our comfort zones. 

I find myself ending this year with the surprise of my life. A surprise I could not have forethought or foreseen. 

I am in this strange position of joy and uncertainty. Joy, because I know what’s here and now, I appreciate the work and the privilege and honour that comes with the surprise.

Uncertain…because the challenges are right in front of me, I know them, I see them, they are so real. From the outside in, it is almost impossible for me to appreciate the gift. It’s like finally finding paradise, you know it’s yours but you’ve got to fight the lions to actually possess it.

See, I like when I step forward into something without any idea what challenges are in front of me. It makes it easier for me to deal as it comes.

With the knowledge of what’s ahead of me, I find myself afraid and asking myself 'is this gift worth it?' Do I really have to have it? Truth is told I could do without it, but that would mean sharing my bed with mediocrity, normalcy and all things lukewarm. 

But I am reminded that great things come from great opposition! Indeed we must be glad when we face opposition because that makes room for something wonderful to unravel in our lives! So let’s take heart and fight on with fervency.

‘Impossible is God's starting point’.

If you want to start a business, get a higher position at work, bring peace to your family, pursue that love, quit a bad habit, get that degree, work on that marriage (fill in whatever seems impossible to you). Do not be afraid, you have what it takes to walk on water and when your feet fail you will have God's hand in the midst of that failure, and He will hold onto you and He won’t let go but you have to take the first step. Take the first step by getting away from the shore. 

So here I am, acknowledging the realness of these challenges, staring them right in the middle and like David I proclaim my victory ahead of time. I know that something wonderful is coming out of them, and that is going to make for a very good story.

2015 is my year, it is your year and we are going to be BRAVE!

'Impossible is God's starting point' so why are you dreaming for the possible? 

Money matters and other interesting things

 

Don't hang out with people 'specialised in the murder of dreams' (if you forget anything below, DO NOT forget this)

 Okay people, this one is going to be very educational therefore grab those notebooks, vision books, tissue paper (for those reading this at a café) and let's do this. I too will be re-learning some of these. Sometimes we learn better by sharing what we have discovered. Sounds good? Let's jump into it.

 BUSINESS and other things

 a) Anyone with a business? b)Business idea? Or c) it's been a part of your life? Etc

 If you're like me, business has always been a part of your life. You've never gone to school for it except for the occasional commerce class you enjoyed or loathed in my case. I don't know the business lingual and have never seen the inside of a business class or school. F’real… How tough is it out hereeeee? Hashtag the struggle is real.

 After that truth, proceed with caution or throw caution to the wind and live on the edge. Hashtag You didn’t choose the thug life, the thug life chose you.

I am a humanitarian through and through, I know how to deal with crisis, I know how to write a legal text, I know how to create policies, I know how to observe, and I know how to write a brief! I have gone to school for that and I have been rewarded with those particular skill sets. I can't say the same for business. Everything that I have learnt and continue to learn is from my mother. She is the greatest teacher I've ever had and have. Hashtag truth.

 Let’s call these, ‘Lessons from mama’

Lessons from mama

1. If you know you can't live without it, then there's no such thing as quitting. That's NEVER an option

2. You can't please everyone; extend this to your clients. You win some and you learn others.

3. Be authentic, counterfeits will bring you down and once you've lost trust it's hard to gain it back.

4. Treat your employees with respect. Let them know you care about them and make sure there’s a balance. You have to make them realise that they have a job to do and are accountable to the boss. Know their names. Have a Rewards program. When people know that they are working hard and are being rewarded for such hard work, productivity increases.

5. Support your employees to grow even if it means they have to move on to the next season of their lives. Everyone has dreams too. You provide the initial platform.

6. Confidence is key.  (I am still on a journey with this one)

7. Be aggressive when need be, also know when that ‘need be’ situation arises. (Yeah this too, still learning)

8. You can't wait to be ready to start something, you have to start... You have to start...

9. Know your market and their tastes, know what they are ready for, what they are not ready for, and prepare them to be ready for that they are not ready for.

10. If it’s a business fight it is not personal. (Sensitive Susie needs to take a backseat on this one)

11. Competition is healthy, it awakens you to creativity

12. Use your gut, brain and heart (almost always together)

13. Just because you fail initially doesn't mean it's not for you...! The secret is in never giving up

14. Protect your dream

15. Do what you're passionate about and learn to do what you ‘NEED to do’, then love what you ‘need to do’. (In most cases what we are passionate about and what we need to do are two different things. I am passionate about sleep, but I need to work in order to support myself and my world)

16. Keep a dollar or 100 dollars in your wallet. Why a dollar? You ask. 1. Its value is stable. 2. Its value is stable. 3. For motivational purposes (speaking of I have no dollar in my wallet but I'll go get one in NOW.)

I could write an entire book about what she's teaching me but I hope these will help you press on or start something.

SAVINGS

Oh I LIKE business Bex, she's my other business teacher. And ever since I read her paraphrased savings notes I have not looked back. Let's just say I have some couple of dollars in my bank to PUSH me to Forbes list.

Steps 1 - 7 below are directly from Business Bex's notes, not a word was changed.

7 steps to Dave Ramsey's total money makeover. (A plan which I am doing, I’m currently on Step 1): Check him out: (www.daveramsey.com)

Step 1 – Save a $1,000 Emergency Fund.  An emergency fund is for those unexpected events in life that you can’t plan for: the loss of a job, an unexpected pregnancy, a faulty car transmission, and the list goes on and on. It’s not a matter of if these events will happen - it’s a matter of when.

Step 2 - Pay off all debt using the Debt Snowball.

List your debts - excluding the house - in order. The smallest balance should be your number one priority. Don’t worry about interest rates unless two debts have similar payoffs. If that’s the case, then list the higher interest rate debt first.

The point of the debt snowball is simply this: You need some quick wins in order to stay pumped up about getting out of debt! Paying off debt is not always about math. It’s about motivation. Personal finance is 20% head knowledge and 80% behavior. When you start knocking off the easier debts, you will see results and you will stay motivated to dump your debt.

Step 3 – Save 3 to 6 months of expenses in savings.

Once you complete the first two baby steps, you will have built serious momentum. But don’t start throwing all your “extra” money into investments quite yet. It’s time to build your full emergency fund. Ask yourself, “What would it take for me to live for three to six months if I lost my income?” Your answer to that question is how much you should save.

Use this money for emergencies only: incidents that would have a major impact on you and your family. Keep these savings in a money market account.

Step 4 - Invest 15% of household income into Roth IRAs and tax-advantaged retirement accounts.

When you reach this step, you’ll have no payments—except the house—and a fully funded emergency fund. Now it’s time to get serious about building wealth.

Dave suggests investing 15% of your household income into Roth IRAs and pre-tax retirement plans. Don’t invest more than that because the extra money will help you complete the next two steps: college savings and paying off your home early.

Step 5 - College funding for children.  Save lots of dollarz for your kids.

Step 6 - Pay off your house early.  No house payment? Amazinggggg.

Baby Step 7  - Build wealth and give.  And this is a legacy-building characteristic.

HOW TO DEAL WITH CRISIS

This was a great topic during the Hillsong NYC conference. Pastor Brian Houston is a wealth of knowledge and I found this particularly helpful because if you're like me, you don't like confrontation and would rather not deal with anything that will make others uncomfortable. I have included my own examples for purposes of understanding.

1. The process of Time in a crisis - don't underestimate the power of doing what's right, and thinking right in times of crisis

2. Learn to respond not to react. Take time to cool off and think before you act or speak.

3. Don't get defensive

4. Beware to human tendency to isolate. You know when you're having the worst time of your life and you just want to block everyone out, change your name, close your Instagram, face book etc and be mopey all by yourself? Yeah... Don't isolate yourself for long, this won't make you feel better, share with someone close to you and work out a solution.

5. Be human - at the RIGHT TIME bear your heart. It is okay to let people know where you've struggled, cried or failed, be human.

6. Focus on the good things

7. Be WISE as serpents and harmless as a dove.

8. Man up/Woman up - beware of your coping desires. Sometimes when we are feeling low we go to our feel goods aka coping desires. Some eat like gluttons….hellorrrr tighter clothes, some drink like fish and become absolutely pathetic (do fish drink?), some just don't leave their beds for a month, others go for the sex-ercise Olympics, others go to drugs. Whatever your coping desire is, beware of it. It doesn't make things better, matter of fact it makes things worse and then you have to re-cope. You don't want that life. Let’s break the cycle, yeah?

9. Get a trusted confidant. Get a friend for ALL seasons.

10. Bring those around you on the journey of this life. Do life together and not alone. It's much better to laugh with people and weep with people than riding solo (That’s why we don’t know where Iyaz is at the moment, he rode solo). Besides if you cry together you can point out that one person who has a kim-k cry face. I have that cry face too. You're welcome.

11. Resolve what to do. Fix the part that you can. If it's your fault 'I'm sorry is always a good place to start'. Try to find solutions even if that solution is to 'just let it be' that's also a solution by the way. Time will give you clarity on how to proceed.

12. Vision-vision-vision. Have a vision for your life. I couldn't stress this more!

I hope this was helpful. I wish you all the best with your visions and dreams and keep believing that good things are coming your way.

In the meantime if you’re in Kampala, don’t forget to come for the screening of ‘girl rising’ on 11^th December 6:00pm at Piato Restaurant, Nakasero. You’ll meet some of our incredible warrior women and hear their stories. Tickets go on sale soon. Follow us on instagram  @officialwarriorwomen for instant updates

What to expect

1. A great life changing documentary

2. Q&A with warrior women team

3. Meet the girls

4. Food

5. Photo booth madness

6. Come with new or gently used items to give away

7. Be part of the solution

Open letter - 5th/6th November

Haven't written these in a while. 

Tomorrow or today is my birthday (Depending on when you read this). Usually I am so excited and eager for gifts I can barely get through the night. This year it's been different. 

In my family we pick our own gifts. We don't do much surprises because our characters demand that people better give us what we actually want not what they think we want. We make gift picking easy heh!? So when my mother demanded to know what I want this year, I surprised myself into shock by asking for nothing! NOTHING! Where is me and what have I done with me? If you know me am all about gifts. That's my love language, none of those 'act of service, words of affirmation, quality time'.

I still think it's strange that I don't want anything maybe I'll live to regret this choice.

Then there's the dinners. I love a good dinner. I love conversations and laughing and just being ridiculously greedy if am not paying. I just love when people get together and there's constant banter. On the birthdays where I have had to throw my own dinners (yes guys I throw my own dinners because I am Monica) I tell people to eat whatever they want mostly because it's not coming from my pocket.

This year that's different too. I don't want to do anything. I actually felt overwhelmed with all the dinners and lunches packed in one day that I cancelled them. I feel bad actually, terrible. Maybe this is menopause! It's got to be a menopausal reaction.

This is how I want to spend my birthday. 

I want to wake up at 11:00am, have tea in bed with warm scones (OF COURSE), go to the gym in preparation for cake eating fest! Shower, walk to the cinema and watch 'Alexander and the Terrible, Horrible, No Good, Very Bad day', go home and find 9 cakes waiting for me. Then go to bed. 

Although I was planning on having a selfish day by not wanting to be celebrated I know that I am loved. It makes me so happy to know that the people in my life near and far understand me, know that I am a pain and yet still love me. 

I am grateful to be chosen today and celebrated whether I want to or not. 

I am grateful to have people make plans months ahead, I am ever so undeserving. No false humility. 

I don't deserve the people in my life. They are so good to me and as much as this day should be mine, today I celebrate you because; 

you make my life sunnier

you tell the funniest stories

you give the best laughter

you're constant through good and bad

you give good love

I am honoured that I am part of your life stories, I am happy that you chose me to be a daughter, a friend, a sister, a confidant, a silly buddy, a sergeant, commander, a whoever you want me to be. I thank you for choosing me every time and, for celebrating me everyday. 

I have the best family, the best friends, the best acquaintances, the best job, the best life. I have all the gifts a girl could desire. They are not perfect but they are everything and today you get a public holiday, you get a public holiday, everybody gets a public holiday! I appreciate you.

Tomorrow we eat, we dance, we shut down Sugar Factory NYC.

X

Happy birthday to my SBFL Daphny, My FFFL Rachel, the ever so beautiful Elma, The ever so breathtakingly awesome Joan, My angel face Duch, My MOTHER, My Lisa, My BLFL Pamella, the ever kind Nina, My fave Julia 

The New Sexy

This is for us whose sole ambition is to bring sexy back AGAIN. Like JT brought sexy back from wherever it was hiding and there was a REAL improvement in the way people dressed. Let's thank JT for making the earth a better place. Also, he is solely responsible for this year's increase in the sales of suits and ties. (Please Justin, sing abut my business too...I be on my crafts and décor, crafts and décor, décor...)

Here's a cheat-sheet for your short cut to instant sexiness...you little rebel you! I promise you guaranteed results. You will be people's sexiest woman alive or man alive without abs or flat belly. You might even get abs and lose the lower belly fat by simply practising these.

This works or your "money" back!!!

1. Kindness
2. Generosity
3. Take a bath or a shower
4. Humility
5. Be a maker of peace
6. Forgiveness - be slow to anger and quick to forgive
7. Brush your teeth
8. Patience
9. LOVE
10. Smile more
11. Laugh often
12. Consistency
13. Commitment
14. Iron your clothes
15. Faithfulness
16. Be truthful/honesty
17. Gentleness
18. Loyalty
19. Put lotion on your elbows and knees
20. Practise self control  

Now you're going to be unstoppable!

X

T O D A Y

Today at 2:02 PM

I wanted to cut my hair short, just like Marguerite in '100 foot journey' (good movie by the way).

I showed the picture to my hair dresser. She laughed and then she said 'no'. My hair dresser speaks mostly Spanish so for emphasis she had to repeat 'no' very clearly. There was no room left to interpret her response as a 'maybe' or a 'light weight yes'. 

She said I don't have the neck for it. (Yes, I spent the entire night examining my neck)

Anyway I am cutting my hair slowly but surely so I can ease myself into a bob, I am very certain that I won't ever be team natural (I support team natural, you guys are awesome!  Those curls are so enviable) but I don't have the energy for Bantu knots! Plus I had my time as a GirlArion (a girl with cornrows like Omarion from B2K) in secondary school. Team relaxer!

Has this ever puzzled you... Where do men keep their 'hand bag things?' Like how deep are those trouser pockets? Where do men who don't carry man bags (it's actually a thing) keep their phones, phone chargers, books, wallets, lip balm, lint-rollers, spare socks, and some tissues when they leave the house? My Pa is a classic example. He pulls things out of his pockets but I never see his pockets bulge with stuff. Those pockets can swallow a car! Tell us the secret? My shoulders could certainly use a break! 

Have you listened to Jessie Ware? I promise you this...you'll fall in love! Where has she been my whole life! You know I don't keep good things from you.
Here's a recommendation  'say you love me - Jessie Ware' and then listen to all her albums. GOLD.

Any words to inspire us? Hmm... Why am I blank? Must be all this heat from the drier sucking out the contents of my brain! 

• Well, just don't forget to live. Be purposeful with your days. 
• Tip tip tip even when it hurts, or stay home and eat a humble meal. 
• Look people in the eyes when you speak to them (I have been practising this) it shows that you're present and that you see them. 
• Tell yourself that you're beautiful because you are. You don't have to wait for someone to tell you! Your Creator saw you and He said that you are good. You have His royal seal of approval. Own it! 

Don't forget to DANCE! *plays Lingala*

Happy birthday Sasha, Inky, Abraham, Lulu, Kase, Raf

your mind-friend.

Out of my notes: Gratitude list

Before day 2 I found that I had more things to be grateful for in day one.


August 11: I am thankful for internet, I get to watch rebelde way even if episode 11-15 isn't in English. (*26th September-comes back here to say* ... 'Yeah episodes 16-25 not in English either)

Free tickets to lion king thanks to Nteliseng 

Tickets to Madame Tussaud, thankful to my bank for rewarding me for spending my money, at least it gave me an incentive through it's points system.


August 12: I was taught how to make LIC bracelets and then I was given a box of FREE materials to create my own. 

More nice things happened today. 

August 13: For battered fish and fries... I was so hungry today.

August 14: FREE cocktails and found my new fave place! Where it is free thou shall mark territory. 

August 15: The arrival of my gorge... So excited to have my BFF visit from home... I was already laughing in less than 2 seconds out of baggage claim! 

August 16: What happened today? Oh I went dancing. Tbh every night out is the same to me. It's not epic, it's not bad, it's like an afternoon lunch at night. I DANCED.

August 17: FREE tickets to lion king, not sitting in mezzanine, FREE wine, and a FREE ride home... 

Church... I love Sundays 

August 18: thankful for my family, who we are together and apart

August 19: I am a new god mother to only the most beautiful baby girl Paris! I am in love and I haven't met her yet. 

August 20: Grateful for having the world's best professor. For people who are so kind and always ready to help you fill a DPR form

August 21: For friends new and old. The ability to use one menu among 5 people and still laugh at the fact that no one will bring us more menus. Laugh at life

August 22: Lunch in Central Park, medicine, and a bed.

August 23: Television...for happy memories that replace sad memories and mostly for being able to pray

August 24: We made a new friend called prince and he gave us free scones. Nicest human being... Literally had me at scones. Mind friend for life! Ps. He is an upcoming musician so watch the space

August 25: I love my job, and I am grateful for the Emmys! Definitely part of my Monday highlight. Sorry, what? Who needs a life? 

August 26: I have always loved the company of people several years older than me... I have made five more friends in the adult(iest) realm and I am grateful that I get to be on a committee with them. Learning from their expertise without having to pay tuition. YES LAAWD!

August 27: Being part of the outreach committee for UN/DPI conference. I have come to know some of the most amazing human beings. Heart so overwhelmed with such kindness and support.

August 28: US open with two of my faves...(CHEAP tickets GOOD view) Also thankful to God for getting a new internship. Can't wait to see how that works out! Soooo excited! 

August 29: Got my bank card and ID back after I had left it at 40/40. Thank You God that we failed to get another place for the night and reluctantly going back to 40/40 was a blessing in disguise. 

August 30: Thankful for Adam sandler and Drew Barrymore movies. Watch blended and you will be laughing your head off.

August 31: My mama and sisters are back home.  I am forever grateful for the womb God placed my sisters and I IN. Best womb ever!

September 1: Grateful for rice and groundnuts... Yummy yum! 

September 2: Thankful to God for my new internship! Lo and behold the work is ridic but the learning experience is very much worth it! Let's get it on!

September 3: Long day, long day, long day. The kind that seems endless  BUT at least I am alive and breathing and half laughing at what could have been a bad day.

September 4: Little walks in east village and chips. OML chips at this place kazuza are ah-mazing

September 5: New York Yankees game. Let's just say I am into sports now and I am thankful that I can experience things like this in real time.

September 6: Airport kindness. Overweight bag at NO COST! A good day to travel heh?

September 7: Best afternoon nap ever! Napped with my baby sister. I think napping together should become a thing if it isn't already. like you could so use this line in a convo...

Person 1. hey, what are you doing this weekend? 

Person 2. napping, you?

person 1. same

person 2. wanna nap together?

person 1. sure

Both live a happy life.

September 8: This Monday was good... Not sure why, there's no one particular thing I can point at but I just know I am content that the day was a success according to me.

September 9: I was stopped from making a bad choice. Also I got to leave work at 5pm instead of 6 or 5:08... TGIT (Thank God it's Tuesday)

September 10: I got FREE fish patties (Haitian recipe) if I eat them and I like them...hmm... The birth of a fish patty eating monster! 

September 11: it's just so good to be alive and marvel at the ordinariness of a day! 

I hope I will maintain this habit of daily reflection and gratitude. It really puts things in perspective. I hope you had a wonderful time doing the day to day gratitude list and I hope there was a fundamental shift in your life for simply doing it. 

Am ready for autumn, I have an incurable obsession for sweaters so my excitement has reached an all time high. 

Keep your hearts open, your hands open and keep expectant. I truly believe that something good is going to happen to you and something good is going to happen through you . Make this part of your daily mantra. Until next time.

All my love.

Your mind friend.