With Eyes Wide Open.

‘Evil disguised itself and walks besides us under the mid-afternoon sun, darkness no longer its only haven.’ Evelyn  

Guest Blogger; Anonymous

    

I’m not much of a writer. I journal, if that counts. So I am honoured and humbled to have been given the chance to feature on My Beautiful Sweet Friend’s Blog.

I like to think of myself as more of an explorer because I love to be in places that not many would willingly go. More than that, I Love to know peoples’ stories, how they got to where they are and all that. I was lucky enough to have met some people who were more than willing to show me a different side of Kampala.

I went through slums, saw a lot of people, a lot of drugs, and smelt a lot of burning plastic and it was eerily quiet. And everyone was so angry; angry with the injustice, with the Government, and some with God.

One of the friends who took me to these ‘dodgy’ places had always been talking about leaving the country. When he finally got a chance to go to South Africa, he hopped at it and called to tell me. I didn’t ask too much because honestly, I had so much going on in my life (I’m ashamed to admit).

Well, its half a year later and we are sitting in a small restaurant type place...you know the ones with plastic table covers, always dark yet somehow always crowded…And he begins to narrate how His ‘Uncle’ (We all have those) told him about the work in South Africa, the money, the freedom and all things ever dreamed of.

He asked him for about 400,000SHS to get him a Passport ASAP and another 400,000SHS to get him a Visa in a day, to which my friend happily obliged. Of course he ended up having to pay much more for all the ‘necessities’ because as his ‘Uncle’ put it, he ‘just wouldn’t have the time’ as work was to start immediately upon his arrival. Now, for the more seasoned traveller, all these would be RED SIGNS screaming RUN!! For the less seasoned one however, it was simply too good to be true.

Passport and Visa in Hand, having forked over his savings and most of his parents’ earnings, (almost up to 3 Million, possibly more), he boarded the flight to South Africa. As with most of these stories, it was actually too good to be true.His new passport was taken from him ‘for safekeeping’ and he watched in confusion as his ‘Uncles’ friends proceeded to manually remove his visa ( who knew that was even possible). He was told he wouldn’t need it anyway since he was probably going to stay a really long time.

Himself and many others were put in the back of a truck and taken to a city they didn’t know, and put to work in a garage, a warehouse and other places he said weren’t worth mentioning, just never the one he was promised.In a few days, he had gone from having a home, a community and familiarity, to being homeless, stranded and completely abandoned. He was paid 5 Rand a day which he had to hand over for a corner in a room to sleep, and even though he had known poverty at some point, he says he could never have imagined such a place existed, especially not after all the wonderful things he had been told before going there.

He called his ‘Uncle’ by the hour, to ask him what was happening, if this was just temporary, perhaps it was a mistake; and each time the phone went unanswered, he felt his heart drop even further and his hope disappear.

Each sentence filled me with dread as to what the following days held. Would he be used as a sex slave? Would he be beaten? One thing is for sure, he is different from the friend I had before he left. 

Yes, Thank God he made it home, I’m still not sure how because he didn’t seem ready to talk about it. As he wistfully recounted the story with tear glazed eyes, I wondered how many more like my friend are still out there. 

Sadly, his story is so unrelatable and in fact so unbelievable to those he tells in his Community, that many are convinced he stole the money, went abroad and went through it so quickly that he had to come back. After all, anywhere but Uganda is Heaven, and success out there is a given. Since his return he has felt guilty, ashamed and deeply regretful; as though this injustice were somehow his fault.

He is now back home working for 450,000SHS a month, 14 hours a day and still dreaming of the day he leaves this country, never to return.  He is still trying to pay his parents back for all the money he begged them to loan him.

Why am I telling you this?

I’m telling you this because that ‘Uncle’, and many like him make a business out of this modern day kidnapping. He is doing the same to so many like my friend knowing that there are still many desperate to leave the country; so for now and a while to come , his ‘business’ is a lucrative one.  

I’m telling you this because this is just another form of Slavery. With his Eyes Wide Open, my friend was taken from his Home, made to work in hopeless, degrading and unbearable conditions that he was only lucky to escape.

I hear countless stories of people saying ‘I was supposed to go to Dubai’, ‘a guy got me a job in Germany’, ‘I’m leaving to work in Paris, I know someone there’… And I wince at the thought of their fate being similar to that of my friend, with possibly worse consequences.

I want my country to flourish, to change and to grow Desperately… but sometimes I wonder when that change will come. When will we be able to go to the Police and report ‘Uncle’ and have the case seriously followed up? When will a woman be able to report domestic abuse and have a response other than laughter and even more abuse? When will our country be a place people run to, as opposed to running from? I wonder… And what can I/we do to bring this change.

I lay here most nights thinking and wishing, pondering and praying, With Eyes Wide Open.

Tea with you

Forever - Haim (song)

I am finding it particularly hard to write a coherent post today. It's been a while, heh! Where to start from? I had like only ten drafts of this post (tough life for a blogger on these blog 'streets'!). 

You know what? Let's play pretend and have a conversation. How does that sound? Let's pretend we are seated in a small, eclectic tea place with big mugs and bottomless tea pots, or coffee pots or chocolate pots (do those exist?) 

What's playing on the radio? Hmm... Mumford and sons' I will wait? Yeah, sounds good? You can change the music in your mind if you don't like my choice (be warned you will be judged, that is some good music).

Dear friend, I finally got a book that I can't wait to delve into. Have you read 'the faults in our stars'? I have heard such good things about it, I can't wait to cry and blow my nose! You know, deep down we do love a sad love story. No? 

If I am being truly honest, I still haven't finished reading my Jane Austen collection from last summer. I actually read four other books in its place. I just like the idea of savoring classics I guess (excuses, excuses, excuses).

On the pity party side of things, well...lately I have been missing my friends tremendously! I guess in missing, I have also come to appreciate them more and love them even deeply! (Geez louise, way to pour out my emotions) As much as I have this lone-star thing mastered, I am not ashamed to admit that some days I could really really use a hug and a kiss on my forehead. You know what I mean? Oh well, the next time I see them we are going to spend an obscene amount of time together. 

Moving on, who is a fan of French cinema? I am not sure what it is about those movies but I am hooked! In other news my French has greatly improved. I can hold a conversation without breaking into sticky sweat. Each time I get the chance to whip out my French, I do not hold back. It's not perfect but practice really does make perfect. So my Friday evenings are solely dedicated to French movies. (Who needs a life, huh?) 

I have so many plans for this summer. I know, I know, it's just the first day of spring and I am planning ahead, what can I say? I like to plan, spontaneity is just not for me. I am going to learn how to surf!(Who says you can't learn how to be cool?). 

Is there anyone out there on that gym flow? Of course I aspire to be those overzealous gym goers. On a side note, there is a lot of gymtimidation in my apartment (who works out for an hour?). Anyways, I find working out therapeutic in a way minus the sweat and smelly hair of course. Let's endeavor to keep this a judgement free zone. (Nappy hair problems, I can't wash my hair everyday!). 

So what have you been up to? How is your heart and mind? *Listens to you*

Well, it was lovely catching up, we should do this again.

Ps. I am still mind blown by the views this post received. I wish, I wish, I could meet each one of you. I may not know you individually but truly I am grateful that you make the choice to come here, read, and share in my thoughts. You make me believe in myself and I pray that as you read my posts, you will be inspired to go live fearlessly and authentically as yourself. Know that you are loved and you truly are phenomenal.

All my love

Your Friend.

The B**** Word

Disclaimer: I do not use the B word (bitch) in my general vocabulary but for the purposes of this message it has to be used.

Definition of bitch;
noun
1. A female canine animal, especially a dog.
2. Offensive
a. A woman considered to be spiteful or overbearing
b. A lewd woman (definition of lewd: a) preoccupied with sex and sexual desire; lustful b) Obscene; indecent. 2. Obsolete wicked)
c. A man considered to be weak or contemptible

verb, informal- express displeasure; grumble

For those who feel more comfortable with the Urban dictionary; you can look here to see words related to bitch.
Bitch- Modern-day servant; A person who performs tasks for another, usually degrading in status.

Why do I have to go through ALL of the above definitions? Simply to show how there's no positive definition for bitch. Now before you attack me, as a Human Rights student, I live and breathe Human Rights. I am very aware of 'one's freedom of speech and self expression' and I respect your right to that. For weeks now I have painfully resisted writing on this topic because I didn't want to offend anyone as I know so many people who casually throw around the B word like it's no big deal and may be it isn't to them. 

My analysis 

How can one use the same word to express LOVE and HATE? e.g I love my bitches, I hate that bitch, my bitches and I, my bitch is better than yours. Sometimes I want to ask people if they even give a slight thought to some of the things they say/put out. Please, go ahead and explain this to me. Is one trying to say 'my lewd woman is better than yours? My female canine animal and I? And isn't it dehumanizing likening people to dogs? Are the people you refer to as bitches counterfeit human beings? What is SO okay with likening someone to an animal? 

Why am I getting worked up about this? For one simple fact, 'In dehumanizing others, we exclude them from the circle of moral obligation. We can then kill, oppress, and enslave them with impunity. Taking the life of a dehumanized person becomes of no greater consequence than crushing an insect under one's boot.' (Dehumanization, Genocide, and the Psychology of Indifference) Link  You're probably thinking that your words cannot lead to such extreme consequences but yes, they can. Words have that sort of power.

Thing is, we say stuff without giving thought to it because we don't even have the time to think. Keep calling your friends bitches and soon they will become spiteful or overbearing because that's the sort of life you are speaking into them. Why can't you call your friends something positive? If you want to stick to using a word with the letter 'B' we can use BEAUTIFUL. What better word than that? 

Enjoy your telly, movies and music but know what's good for your inner being. The music, the movies and your fave celebrities will tell you that it is okay to go around calling everyone, friends, enemies, frenemies bitches, but those guys are SELLING products. Have your own mind and know what's life and what isn't. What's even more disturbing is the world knows that vulgarity and profanity sells. What does that say about us? There has got to be a generation that stands up against ridiculous trends. 

100 wise words

I love reading in bed, you know that time right after you snuggle under the covers. (I love bed time, the bed is a sanctuary) Reading in bed gives me great stuff to think about before I fall asleep. So I came across this divine blog by Bianca Olthoff, and I found myself laughing so hard. Ghosh I am a sucker for a good laugh, it's how she says stuff that actually makes it funny. *laaawwd have mercy*. Anyhow feel free to check out her blog in the name of love.

I got this post from Bianca's blog site and I thought I should "legally" transfer it to mine mostly because it's simple and I love simple things. Enough prattle, here are the 100 wise words a high school teacher passed on to his students.

• 1. There are plenty of ways to enter a pool. The stairs is not one of them.
• 2. Never cancel dinner plans by text message.
• 3. Don’t knock it ‘til you try it.
• 4. If a street performer makes you stop walking, you owe him a buck.
• 5. Always use we when referring to your home team or your government.
• 6. When entrusted with a secret, keep it.
• 7. Don’t underestimate free throws in a game of horse.
• 8. Just because you can doesn’t mean you should.
• 9. Don’t dumb it down.
• 10. You only get one chance to notice a new haircut.
• 11. If you’re staying more than one night, unpack.
• 12. Never park in front of a bar.
• 13. Expect the seat in front of you to recline. Prepare accordingly.
• 14. Keep a picture of your first fish, first car, and first boy/girlfriend.
• 15. Hold your heroes to a high standard.
• 16. A suntan is earned, not bought.
• 17. Never lie to your doctor.
• 18. All guns are loaded.
• 19. Don’t mention sunburns. Believe me, they know.
• 20. The best way to show thanks is to wear it. Even if it’s only once.
• 21. Take a vacation of your cell phone, internet, and TV once a year.
• 22. Don’t fill up on bread, no matter how good.
• 23. A handshake beats an autograph.
• 24. Don’t linger in the doorway. In or out.
• 25. Always say please and thank you.
• 26. If you want to know what makes you unique, sit for a caricature.
• 27. Never get your hair cut the day of a special event.
• 28. Be mindful of what comes between you and the Earth. Always buy good shoes, tires, and sheets.
• 29. Never eat lunch at your desk if you can avoid it.
• 30. When you’re with new friends, don’t just talk about old friends.
• 31. Eat lunch with the new kids.
• 32. When traveling, keep your wits about you.
• 33. It’s never too late for an apology.
• 34. Don’t pose with booze. 
• 35. If you have the right of way, take it.
• 36. You don’t get to choose your own nickname.
• 37. When you marry someone, remember you marry their entire family.
• 38. Never push someone off a dock.
• 39. Under no circumstances should you ask a woman if she’s pregnant.
• 40. It’s not enough to be proud of your ancestry; live up to it.
• 41. Don’t make a scene.
• 42. When giving a thank you speech, short and sweet is best.
• 43. Know when to ignore the camera.
• 44. Never gloat.
• 45. Invest in good luggage.
• 46. Make time for your mom on your birthday. It’s her special day, too.
• 47. When opening presents, no one likes a good guesser.
• 48. Sympathy is a crutch, never fake a limp.
• 49. Give credit. Take blame.
• 50. Suck it up every now and again.
• 51. Never be the last one in the pool.
• 52. Don’t stare.
• 53. Address everyone that carries a firearm professionally.
• 54. Stand up to bullies. You’ll only have to do it once.
• 55. If you’ve made your point, stop talking.
• 56. Admit it when you’re wrong.
• 57. If you offer to help don’t quit until the job is done.
• 58. Look people in the eye when you thank them.
• 59. Thank the bus driver.
• 60. Never answer the phone at the dinner table.
• 61. Forgive yourself for your mistakes.
• 62. Know at least one good joke.
• 63. Don’t boo. Even the ref is somebody’s son.
• 64. Know how to cook one good meal.
• 65. Learn to drive a stick shift.
• 66. Be cool to younger kids. Reputations are built over a lifetime.
• 67. It’s okay to go to the movies by yourself.
• 68. Dance with your mother/father.
• 69. Don’t lose your cool. Especially at work.
• 70. Always thank the host.
• 71. If you don’t understand, ask before it’s too late.
• 72. Know the size of your boy/girlfriend’s clothes.
• 73. There is nothing wrong with a plain t-shirt.
• 74. Be a good listener. Don’t just wait for your turn to talk.
• 75. Keep your word.
• 76. In college, always sit in the front. You’ll stand out immediately.
• 77. Carry your mother’s bags. She carried you for nine months.
• 78. Be patient with airport security. They’re just doing their jobs.
• 79. Don’t be the talker in a movie.
• 80. The opposite sex likes people who shower.
• 81. You are what you do, not what you say.
• 82. Learn to change a tire.
• 83. Be kind. Everyone has a hard fight ahead of them.
• 84. An hour with grandparents is time well spent. Ask for advice when you need it.
• 85. Don’t litter.
• 86. If you have a sister, get to know her boyfriend. Your opinion is important.
• 87. You won’t always be the strongest or the fastest. But you can be the toughest.
• 88. Never call someone before 9am or after 9pm.
• 89. Buy the orange properties in Monopoly.
• 90. Make the little things count.
• 91. Always wear a bra at work.
• 92. There is a fine line between looking sultry and slutty. Find it.
• 93. You’re never too old to need your mom.
• 94. Ladies, if you make the decision to wear heels on the first date, commit to keeping them on and keeping your trap shut about how much your feet kill.
• 95. Know the words to your national anthem.
• 96. Your dance moves might not be the best, but I promise making a fool of yourself is more fun than sitting on the bench alone.
• 97. Smile at strangers.
• 98. Make goals.
• 99. Being old is not dictated by your bedtime.
• 100. If you have to fight, punch first and punch hard.

xxx