Fear of dating Again (F O D A)

Yeah I have your attention now heh? 

When do you know when you're ready to go back and trouble the boy-girl waters? Why would anyone want a storm when you can smooth sail? 

I have been, and I am too comfortable with my life as it is. Like I am not going to lie to you, I am not spontaneous. I don't wake up and say 'today I will have lunch in Greece, get a tattoo on my forehead and then dye my hair green.' Yeah... No. I like routine... Actually I love routine! I like to know that am going to wake up, have zero drama except for the one that goes on in my head, get excited about having oat meal for dinner and go to my bed in my house, sleep on my tummy with my face facing the mirror or the wall.' I like plans. Plans are good for me.

Lately, I have had people urge and nudge me to go on dates. To be honest I don't know the differences between dating, seeing each other and being in a relationship. It's all the same thing to me. Personally, I need the relationship defined otherwise if we are dating we are in a relationship, no? 

Have you gone on a date before? It takes a week to pick out what to wear! Then you have to act nonchalant like that's how you dress everyday. You then order for chips because you're afraid of messing your clothes. Then there’s that awkward end of the night walk… to WHERE? Does the person drop you off? If yes, to where? Your house? car? cab? (Clearly I don't think about this at all!)

Moving on... so my adulty (adulty: a person who has 40 years or more) friend gave me some advice. She encouraged me to date as much as I can in my 20s and then I suppose begin to settle down in my 30s. Now I know she meant well but I am not programmed like that. First off that sounds tedious. I did thank her though for telling me to be open minded about giving people a chance and she did tell me that Darcy is out there. 

I told her I would work on being open minded, but I will not go on a dating spree because I would rather love find me. I know you're probably wondering how will things find you when you're just seated in your house? I wish I had a more interesting answer to give. Just like how everything else has found me without me looking for it, so will this. I want every aspect of my life to be a 'wow' moment. I don't want ordinary. I want to be mind blown. I want me to ask me, 'where did this come from?' I want everyone to see with me and say 'look what The Lord has done'. Yeah... I'll just be here sipping on these strawberry daiquiris until Darcy comes hither. 

Who has settled for less before? Who has been bitten one too many times? Don't give up on love... It will come and find you even when people laugh at your naïveté. You do deserve good things; you don't have to settle for less. You deserve to have all that the world has to offer? Sometimes you find yourself asking 'what is wrong with me?' Or 'why can't I seem to get it right?' Or 'why do the people I like leave so suddenly or don't like me back?'

Stop torturing yourself. Honey...people are just trying to figure themselves out too. That doesn't mean there's something wrong with you, the fitting might not be right. Take a break sometimes and wait it out a bit. Don't chase after things that aren't meant for you. Keep patient for what's truly meant to be yours. People might not understand but I promise you love will find you. 

Here is to your soon imperfect happily ever after! (Does that make sense? In my head it does)

THOU SHALT CHANGE THE GAME

Sometimes I can't tell the difference between my dreams and my reality. Some days you're on top of the world, and are going many miles per hour and other days you're just searching for sense out of the present. 

Well I stopped trying to understand life because I am a finite being. See trying to make sense of the 'whys' and the 'hows' always left me so drained. My routine is this, I wake up and I just open up to the endless possibilities God has for me. Some days are fantastic, other days erh not so much but this one statement stands true. 'There is always always always something to be grateful' for in each day.  

For 30 days am going to write down one thing I am grateful for in each day. This will help me to practice gratitude. I hope you'll join me in this, and I will blog my list in the next post. If you want me to share your list on the blog, feel free to email it to me at ev3lyn_kr@yahoo.com. 

I think these next 31 days are going to be the most amazing days ever. I'll see you here on 11th September. Yes? Have a wonderful month.

Remember this 'thou shalt change the game' this year!  

Ps. Blogs to check out

• I call her the next Chimamanda check out Elma's blog 'On my tippy toes'. She writes so beautifully! How do I know her? She's one of my oldest friends and I promise you that you will fall in love with every sentence on her blog.
• Check out Nora's blog 'Lookin' for the pot of gold'. She writes with such depth and honesty describing the enigma that is the human heart and the constant fight against human nature. 

A Day In the Life

There's something about Esther Houston. I love that she continually inspires me not to settle for less even when it seems like there are no other options. Patience and persistence have proved that, there are ALWAYS best options if we power through for a little longer. Check out this amazing blog misswhoo

I am okay being seen with you

My summer Playlist

Changes - Faul & Wad ad vs. Pnau

I got you - Duke Dumont ft. Jax Jones

All of you - Peter Thomas ft. Betty Who

Lights out - Santigold

Summer- Calvin Harris

Break free - Ariana Grande ft Zedd

I will never let you down - Rita Ora

A thought occurred to me that I had a blog which I may or may not have neglected. Thought I would share with you five or six things I have learnt, and still trying to master. I have more but my fingers got sort of tired half way, so I settled for these.

1. Correspondence with people you actually know aka buddy-buddy; Respond to messages, emails and return calls. It doesn't have to be right away but whenever you do get the time, make it a point to respond. You are not that important to fail to respond to a message.

For purposes of clarity, definition of important is 'on the scale of states presidents to The Middle East.'

2.Worth-Ometer; If it is worth it, you will make an effort. This trickles down to everything from relationships to your job to how much time you put aside for sleep.

3.Work that body body; Exercise people...I know it's 20% exercise and 80% diet. I do not like veggies at all. I actually fall sick for like three hours after eating salad. So I have found something that works for me. Eat junk in reasonable amounts and exercise like hercules...okay, yeah that's not true. I exercise moderately. 

I haven't been to the gym much this summer, because summer is perfect for runs. I run twice or thrice a week and my hair dictates my swim schedule.

Find something that works for you and do it, it's not about having the perfect body, it's about taking care of yourself. Your 80 year old self will thank you.

4. Heart Condition; Have the biggest heart (metaphorically) and the deepest love. Take people as you find them and do not leave them bitter. Leave them with something to smile about whenever they think of you.

5. Battle ground; Pick your battles wisely and do not make enemies. Just because you're someone's enemy, it doesn't automatically make them yours, you know? Be a peace maker, and it doesn't mean that you're a doormat or coward. It simply means that you are smart enough to know when  to step back when something so small is bound to escalate into breaking news.

6. Always others when it's their turn aka knowing when you're not queen B; Celebrate when others  are happy, and comfort when others are sad. Feel for people and feel with people. Give of your life experiences. We are all going through somewhat similar life "things"(for lack of a better word). We have all made stupid mistakes, so share your mistake with someone who has made a decision against their better judgement. Do not leave your friends to feel hopeless when you have been down that road several times too. We have all felt loss, so console even when they block you out, keep pushing. No one wants to be alone. Sometimes we push people away because we fear that they won't stay so we would rather have them gone immediately than later. So stick it out. 

Celebrate and honour the people who always show up. 

Ps. I hope you're all doing well, doing you, keeping it negative free energy and just flourishing.

All my love,

Me

Know that YOU are known

This message from my spiritual aunt Christine Caine could not have come at a better time. I have desperately wanted everyone to get on board with Warrior Women, the funds we have collected so far are alarmingly low yet the work we have to do is a lot. So here I was almost second guessing this vision, why aren't people excited about this as I am? why aren't my friends blasting up social media every second with the cause? (YET I have the most amazing, devoted, selfless friends in the universe) *get thee behind me lucifer*, and then this morning I was reminded whose applause matters.

I thought I would share with you this brilliant message from Coffee with Chris Caine.

It is so important that you know that you're known by God because if you do not know that you're known by God, you're going to be really trying to be known by humans.

Our insecurities stem from not knowing that we are His beloved, that we are known by Him. The desire to be known out there comes from not knowing that He knows you.

"The more known and beloved I feel by God, the less I need to get that from humans." We are all created by God with an inbuilt need to be known by God.

'Sometimes we tweet nice little sayings such as I only live for the appraisal of One, and I think sometimes God will make sure that He silences the applause and appraisal of everyone and He will ask something like, 'I AM still clapping, does it matter to you?'

God sometimes puts a divine silence on us and He asks, are you still going to be faithful to me even if you do not hear from humans? Will you continue to do it because I am giving you a Holy nod and I AM telling you that it's okay? See, if we lose the ability to hear His voice, then we are of no value to Him in the places He has called us to occupy. We have got to have the ability to say 'yes' to God even if it's 'no' to humans.

'There are seasons when God will have to take you away, where you are unapplauded, uninvited, unappreciated, unwanted, unrecognized because how you act when you don't have it all will determine whether you will continue to give Him praise when you do have it all.

A stranger a day keeps the boredom away...

So there is this thing where complete strangers come to talk to other strangers especially on the subway or as you wait for the train (OR also known as story of my life). No, they are NOT asking for directions. See...at first, it's almost complimentary, to be thought of approachable, really outgoing and sociable. 

Initially I was excited that my attention should be so highly demanded. After further review of all my encounters with these Well Meaning Talking Strangers(WMTS), I have come to realise that most of them are not quite 100%(and if you live in NYC, you'll agree with me that we do have quite the not so 100% bunch). 

Lately I have had a number of these WMTS walk up to me and ask me out to dinner or to death (thanks to the paranoia purely created by movies and DAILY news). Also we now know the kind I attract heh! (This is meant to be funny) 

Moving on...today, on my way from Brooklyn, (I really shouldn't be surprised anymore by what happens on the BK to and fro train), on a really crowded Q train, I stood in front of a young gentleman. 

I would like to believe that he did see my HEAVY handbag weighing me down, and although it's not his fault that I carry heavy handbags, I thought that by some chance he would hear the whispers of some chivalry gods to stand up and offer me his seat. (Yes yes, I am all for gender equality but when am tired and carrying a heavy bag I wouldn't mind being offered a seat so that I can think about women empowerment!)

Anywho, as the train approached his stop, he pretended to wake up from the nap he wasn't having, and decided to hold a conversation with me. I do consider myself very polite so I wasn't going to ignore this whispering stranger despite his borderline alarming behavior (I had a heavy bag, allow me to milk this).

So after reading my non USA Vibe (how? I don't know either), he leaned in and whispered to me, 'You look young, how old are you?'This question was followed by the usual, 'where are you from?' question. 

With the comfort that politeness brings, he went on to tell me how much he absolutely dislikes his life in NYC, how he is only here to study and how he desperately longs to go back to his island state. He tried to get me to hate on my favorite city but unfortunately for him, I did not share in his frustrations.  

After his frustrations were made known to me and a few other passengers, (now that he was quite audible), he followed by asking me out to dinner. 

I must say courage is a thing well mastered by this group of WMTS, rejection is something foreign to them like the geographical location of my country. 

I declined his invitation politely. Well...he took it with surprise like it was such a shock to be rejected especially given how chivalrous he wasn't and how he misused my African hospitality by holding a conversation that solely promoted his frustration with life. I bet he is agreeable on a normal day, although there's no such thing as a normal day in NYC. 

Warrior Women 2/2

‘Worldwide, girls constitute over half of the children out of school. Only 30 percent of all girls are enrolled in secondary school. In many countries, less than one third of university students are women. The average sub-Saharan African girl from a low-income, rural household gets less than two years of schooling and never learns to read and write, to add and subtract, as opposed to the average sub-Saharan African boy who fully completes primary education.’ (Day of the Girl)


Project start up has got to be one of the hardest, most discouraging stages in life. Putting that idea into reality is tough, heh? What keeps you going? What keeps you motivated? What keeps you dreaming and believing? Find that thing that motivates you when you feel like you're not seeing the results you desire and press on till you see it all.

So after what has seemed forever (1 month = 10 Evelyn years), I can finally share more information about warrior women. I am truly excited because this past month has led to people and places and opportunities I can't even begin to explain coherently. I have found such amazing people who have believed in my dream and me, and readily got on board to support the education and empowerment of all girls.

I wish we lived in a fair world, you know? Where girls everywhere had the same access to good, safe, quality education. Where girls were not afraid to go to class because of lurking danger. We are standing in for all the girls who dream to be more, who dream of attending school, who want safety from perpetrators. How do we do this? We do this by taking up pens, books and pencils and empowering our own through education so that ONE DAY, they may stand and fight for others.

We are fortunate to live in a country where girls are not threatened with guns and knives, but we have our own struggles. These obstacles include, cultural barriers, poverty, illiteracy, gender inequality, and general hopelessness that stand in the way of many girls' access to education.

My hope is that warrior women will implement its programs and also supplement the existing efforts of civil society and individuals to get these girls to stay in school, attain at least a secondary education, and to get other girls enrolled in school. I know we can't get all of them in school at once, and I wish, oh I wish we could but we shall start small, and ONE DAY we shall have a multitude of girls attending school. We know that education is essential in the promotion of gender equality, poverty reduction and a vital ingredient for global peace.

In light of all the above I created a website where you'll find most of our information (side note: if you want to create your own website this is great and it's FREE, you can upgrade for a reasonable fee). Also, I cordially invite you all to support our first online campaign called 'I am a girl' to support our initial programs.

In a few weeks, I will upload profiles of the girls whose lives you're going to change through your generous contributions. In the meantime please check out our website and campaign to acquaint yourself with our vision and mission for our country. Spread the word boldly and let's stand together for a time such as this.

I am also excited to announce that we shall be having annual events and hopefully we'll see you at one of the few events we intend to hold. We are in the process of preparing for our very first event, a documentary showcasing the urgency of educating girls globally. The first show will be held in Kumble theatre Brooklyn (date to be announced), followed by one in Kampala in December (date and place to be announced).

Our hope is that you will join us in the cause of the girl child. We want you to be part of the revolution and join the movement to empower girls through education. This isn't just a 'girl thing’; we all need to be on board for real and lasting change to be realized.

Let's all think of the girls in our lives who we would fight for to get something as basic as an education and channel that energy towards the education of one girl, then another, and another until we gain victory.

I feel an uprising, a generation of girls and women who stand up for each other regardless of race, and ethnicity. We are the generation of men and women making it our duty to represent the unrepresented. 'A girl in the developing world still faces overwhelming odds from the day she’s born' (because I am a girl). Let's change that, shall we?

X

Evelyn