Open letter

I have always wanted to live in hotels because I am the queen "lover of things". Waking up to tables filled with breakfast goodies and rolling around in clean white sheets. The cheery good mornings and "some more tea?" followed by late lunches on table set Islands.  That fast enviable wifi that I use so greedily as if it would be lost if I were to shut my laptop even for a minute. Oh what a life! 

Without further ado, I am ready to go home. I know, I know...the irony!  What can I say? I miss my home. I miss the loud noise at the dinner table (we are only four people but we manage to sound like thirteen people and a hen.) I miss watching television with one of us or all acting as the commentator. I miss curling up in my bed watching repeated episodes of friends, that Julissa and Adrienne reality show which by the way I think is extremely unpleasant and the rib cracking Will and Grace. How I miss you Karen!

I am grateful to God that He has given me these hotel days to change my mind on that whole highlife lifestyle. As of tonight, I do want to live in a house, one that will become a home filled with warmth, love and guaranteed good times. Sorry to my high maintenance side but I think we have grown up a bit. Now that I have found new appreciation for homes, I am going to do some house hunting for when the monies come rushing in. I mean, if I have to get a house it must at least look like a hotel.

...spoilt for choice...

The thing I love most about my generation is we are such passionate beings. We do everything with that extra oomph. We research hard, we have strong opinions, we are very intelligent and we want to make a grand difference in the world. It is good that we want to live and make positive changes and I encourage it strongly BUT the thing that brings down our generation is we are inconstant because of the many options we are blessed with. One day we want chicken and we swear we cannot do without it and the next day we want vegetables and we swear we cannot live without them.

 My aunt and I had a tea date to examine my "complicated" being and ideas, and as I rant over, she sat there in silence with amusement in her eyes. When I had fully used up all the words in the dictionary, she motioned to the waiter to fill my tea cup (a move to defer me from further talk). She narrated a "parable" to me.  "A man desired to build a house, he got all the paper work done necessary for the loan to be approved, bought land in the most lucrative area. He was so proud of himself and he was determined to see this house complete so he could earn profit. When he was just about to put a roof over it, he received news that there was land in a newer and much more lucrative area and that he would be a fool not to invest in that area. So he went through the whole process of acquiring loans (AGAIN) determined to buy land and see his newest house complete with tenants. To start the new house, he had to leave the old house without a roof and direct all finances to the most current project. The old house suffered the effects of rain, termites and became a garden for weeds. Unfortunately, he was not able to complete his new house due to the lack of funds as he had not invested in anything. He lost everything and he had a loan to repay with a sky high interest. That is your generation"( say what? clearly she wasn't born in 1990. she has absolutely no idea what she is talking about!SHE IS AN ADULT!!!)

For a while I could not conceive the meaning of that "parable" because it did not resonate with my life. (I thought to myself, 'Is she kidding me? I have my priorities all figured out. I would never be like that man. He was simply foolish. I do not do foolish things.') How we like to think so high of ourselves!
It did finally sink in when I found myself in that illusive man's situation.  She was right, we do want to take part in ALL things. I will start with something we can all relate to. How quickly do we forget the "IT spots" in Kampala? How fast do people become popular and unpopular  in less than a month? How many people actually know what they want? It is not bad to be involved in everything but as you start on that new house, the unroofed house is susceptible to ruin. One must be smart. Why do you do what you do? Why have you chosen a particular cause, path, course, meal?

I work with out of this world amazing women, the kind that are forced to flee their countries due to wars and conflicts and they find themselves in the poorest state of life in their new "homes". (I really do think that they are amazing because I am incapable of enduring their daily struggles) Of course the first thing that came to my mind was 'Yesss, this is where it all goes down and I am going to bring "christmas" to this group, all I need to do is to tell them what they deserve, how to claim back their rights and humanity and ALAS "rich" they will magically become.'
I went home with a skip in my walk and added refugee women on my list of to do things.

The magical list

1.Find a cure for  HIV/AIDS
2.Adopt ALL the orphans
3.Go to the United Nations and give them a piece (peace) of my mind
4.STOP all wars, conflicts
5.STOP Gender based Violence
6.Educate Refugees and asylum seekers on their specific Human rights under the 1951 convention and 1967 protocol relating to the status of refugees.
       :-) (yes, I did add a smiley face at the end of my list)

Denial had been my inseparable friend along these visits but one can only fight for too long. After many visits to the women groups, I allowed myself to feel and recognise what I was amidst. It hit me like a wave that I could not and cannot save everyone, I cannot blame society or the government for the state people are in, the blame game simply wastes our time and that is what our generation does. Oh do we do it so well, it is like we all have natural 1st class degrees in 'blame it on the government, blame it on the alcohol, blame it on my parents, blame it on my not being cool, blame it on my coolness, blame it on my education'. It is such an exhausting vast list.

Humility set in as I realised that I came to these women with this attitude "I shall save thee from it all because I am smart" yet all I needed to do was to relate. I had failed miserably in that "be relatable" department. I used to get really agitated when I saw foreigners come down to earth and literally live the lives of the people they work with. I would mutter "what do they understand, they aren't African" but I now get it. You get people to trust you when you make the effort to relate with them, when you sit down on the broken chairs and not stand tall because you don't want to mess your good outfit (I know there's nothing as annoying as wasting a good outfit especially if no one has seen it) but we have got to make that effort to reach in.  At the end of it all, we want the same exact thing...water, food, poverty eradication.etc. The "house" I am building should be an investment that will lead to the eradication of other things on my list of to do things.

We can have as many dreams as we desire and we can achieve them all but we have to do it one at a time because we are not super humans. We like to think we can multi task and for some time you might, but that will not last for long. You want to learn football? Learn football, master it well and then learn tennis and then go on to teach both. You cannot learn football, leave it unfinished and immediately desire tennis skills and the next month you want to school others in those  fields. It is a waste of "unrefined" good skills.

We should get to know whatever we desire to pursue in and out and see it through to the finish line because we are not clowns to juggle all opportunity at once. I truly believe we all have the ability to succeed at whatever we set our solid mind to. If you want to get something done, stick with it and DO IT! The world demands scrupulous people. I am going to stick to one thing on my list and complete it before I take on something else. It does not necessarily mean that I cannot be involved in other causes. It just means that I am prioritising, starting with the most pressing issue in MY eyes before I am corrupted by other lucrative causes.

'No legacy is so rich as honesty'

I occasionally tell blatant lies because I except the receiver of these untruths to know that am only kidding. Things have a way of accumulating! The other day I was asked a question by someone so dear to me. It was such a simple question that I could have answered honestly but instead I let a lie slip out of my mouth. I was almost unaware of what was coming out of my mouth until it was ALL out. I had planned to stick to my story but I couldn't because I felt so ugly inside and for that moment I didn't like me at all for being so cruel. So I told the truth immediately, it was so embarrassing as I like to think that I am a very honest being. I had a very legit reason for telling that big lie because it was going to save a good relationship. Telling a lie was the quickest solution to solving the dilemma but it made the other party feel unworthy of the truth. 
I made an immediate decision to stop telling small unnecessary lies as they are bound to turn into streets and skyscrapers which may suddenly come tumbling down on my being. I am glad I embraced the truth and I intend to continue on that good old path to honesty. 


Some people will not tolerate such emotional honesty in communication.  They would rather defend their dishonesty on the grounds that it might hurt others.  Therefore, having rationalised their phoniness into nobility, they settle for superficial relationships.  ~Author Unknown

HELLO SWEET NOVEMBER

I love November due to personal interests that I have invested in this particular month.  Last night I was in a high state of excitement, I could barely sleep. This morning I got to work extra early as I had  made it a competition between me and the rest of the unknowing staff and I undisputedly came in first place! 

Taking pleasure in my victories, I sat in my car humming to a song. I really had done me proud! Of course it did not come as shock to my system when I locked myself, my breakfast and my bag inside my car. I mean this is something that happens to "overachievers" every other day! For a moment I almost rubbed 1st November off the calendar for interfering with my moment of glory. Nevertheless, I love you November because;

1. It is THANKSGIVING month!!! This is not a celebrated holiday in Uganda and I don't mean to go all American on anyone BUT my family officially adopted this holiday a few years back and I am very much excited to organise it this year. Turkey will not make it on anyone's menu because we are going to keep it Ugandan with chicken, besides I have never liked the idea of eating big birds!

2.  My birthday - I am a lover of all things best, I want the sparkly cards and the wrapped gifts,just thinking about it gives me butterflies and goosebumps. I have mentally thrown extravagant balls in my honour on this particular day and given out free pairs of Christian Louboutin shoes to the lady guests and premier league football tickets to the male guests. *LAUGHS OUT LOUD* A girl can dream. This year, I am throwing a modest ball, one that I can afford. I am going to spend that day with my mother...

3. Mother dearest's birthday - She's not big on surprises so I'll have to wine and dine her and unfortunately she is going to pay. I really should get a job that pays me Ashton Kutcher figures. (Anyone know of any job in Hollywood?)

4. Some of my favourite people were born in this month, and I take immense pleasure in celebrating with them. It's like a party month really...everyone is happy and eating cake, what more can we ask for???

5. I have a very good feeling about November this year. I am ready to roll :-)


I dedicate this month to my mother, the most hard working, sincere woman I know who has shared her wisdom with me over the years. I do not know what we would do without each other. We have been best friends for 22 years now and shared the best of each other. I know not much in this life but with ALL my being I know having her with me is the best thing that has ever happened to me.  I love you mother.

Happy November month beautiful people.xxx 

LAUGH

I am a certified 'laugh-er" (allow me to use my own word), apparently the more I love someone, the funnier I find them and consequently the harder I laugh. This thesis is yet to be proved as my friends are bonafide exaggerators. Regardless of the love-ometer, you can always count on me to laugh at anything. I rarely have Kristen Stewart photos of myself or that pouty thing because I have laugh marks the size of gullies, so you're most likely to stumble upon a smiley picture of me like I just won a four year vacation with Pharrell Williams (By the way P, I think it's about time if you're reading this...just NOT saying)

There's something so freeing about those "pee releasing laughters", am yet to experience those but I get a huge feeling they are very selective although I've managed to literally lose my breath laughing (while watching 'what to expect when expecting') my neighbours at the cinema thought I was getting untimely seizures. 
I am not saying laugh inappropriately...(yet to define what I mean by that) but do release yourself. Laugh at your own stupidity, life is too serious with all the "what next in life monologues".  When the moment to laugh and be the loudest comes riding on that black horse...TAKE IT and roll on!


“I love people who make me laugh. I honestly think it's the thing I like most, to laugh. It cures a multitude of ills. It's probably the most important thing in a person.” Audrey Hepburn

How tough was your break-up? more chocolate please...

"Relationships are harder now because conversations became texting, arguments became phone calls, feelings became subliminal messages online, sex became easy. The word 'LOVE' gets used out of context, insecurities have become your way of thinking. Getting jealous became a habit, trust has been lost, cheating became an accident, leaving became the only option and being hurt became natural"

For my refreshing raindrop...

The moment you mentally establish and realise that whatever sort of relationship you had with a certain male person has come to its expiration date has got to be the most awkward, funniest and low moments a girl can experience. Oh yes, and that question, 'who dumped who?' ARE YOU KIDDING ME??? In my time of distress and sorrow you're going to ask me such a disrespectful question? SERIOUSLY? Errr why don't you go and eat a wet frog and don't forget to take your question with you. Honest to goodness, some times we are so cruel to those hurting emotionally.

There are many reasons why people "break up", the first is the infamous cheating, followed by its despicable half siblings lies and general bad manners. Of course the lesser evil list isn't to be forgotten...falling out of 'like' or 'love' with each other, it isn't you...it's me type of reasons (wait, that should be closely behind cheating), the good old long distance and apparently short distance too. The list is long so I'll save us from those minuscule details.

It really doesn't matter what your reason is, we can all agree on one thing that boy oh boy do we suffer from the terrors of heartbreak and heart bruises. That aftermath characterised  by endless tears (anything less than shower hour and dim lights doesn't suffice) really, if you're gonna cry your heart out make it memorable, 'I want to kill you punch your one eye out' ipod playlist, going crazy trying to figure out what you did wrong? what's not right with you, oppressive and constant memories of what used to be that just won't quit! and of course, missing that significant ex so much that you wish you could throw a rock at his face so he could know how much it hurt. 

We desire to properly hate that ex and actually mean it so it could hurt a little less for us and yet still wish to be embraced by the same person, like his embrace would consume all your pain away. You feel scared that you might never heal from it all, for every stitch on your heart is frail and likely to come undone every time you cross paths. yes 'we are never so vulnerable as when we love' and I know moving on is as hard as walking on toothpicks. I have good news for you, being single is not an STD, it doesn't tone down your awesomeness... plus you don't have to anticipate any break-ups...what a relief!

I literally beg of you, please do NOT hate your ex...well I know in some situations it's hard but make peace with the situation as it is. There's nothing heavier than carrying a burden that shouldn't be yours. Baggage shouldn't be part of your new life, you're not a camel or a scania truck...so let it go.  Some exes need to be out of your life. It doesn't mean that they are bad people, it means they died in the first 3 minutes of the movie...(yes Chris Brown remember how you met death so fast in stomp the yard?)


Like seriously, I wish it was mandatory to sign contracts before stepping into a happy go lucky relationship that conveniently ends in a sticky situation. A detailed contract of 5000 words with pictorial evidence of what to expect if all comes tumbling down. I for one would really appreciate that, maybe we would reconsider taking some steps. 

I do promise that if your heart is in the right place, everything will get better, you'll put that chocolate bar down, stop sulking all the time and regain a hold of your life...you've got so much more to live for and it is  such an amazing life you have. Do not burn your brain out trying to figure out where it went wrong or what's wrong with you, honey...there is absolutely nothing wrong with you...people are just trying to figure themselves out too.

Be Still

I had a crazy Monday morning icited by the 'just a little more time in bed' procedure. I was ready to let myself fall apart and I quickly remembered how well that had worked out a fortnight back...So I conquered the Monday morning blues...that in my books simply means I am on top of IT the whole week.

So when all is spinning and life's filled with turmoil, stop for a minute and STILL yourself. Breathe in and out, say a little or a big prayer and suddenly all will unravel like a red woolen glove...(yes yes lady in Spain).
If we don't still ourselves, we are most likely to sweat profusely, curse and probably do or say something we will soon regret. Apparently all that sweating and cursing yields very little. There really is so much movement in stillness.

"No thought, no action, no movement, total stillness. Only thus can one manifest the true nature and law of things from within and unconsciously, and at last become one with heaven and earth." Lao Tzu