Be Still

I had a crazy Monday morning icited by the 'just a little more time in bed' procedure. I was ready to let myself fall apart and I quickly remembered how well that had worked out a fortnight back...So I conquered the Monday morning blues...that in my books simply means I am on top of IT the whole week.

So when all is spinning and life's filled with turmoil, stop for a minute and STILL yourself. Breathe in and out, say a little or a big prayer and suddenly all will unravel like a red woolen glove...(yes yes lady in Spain).
If we don't still ourselves, we are most likely to sweat profusely, curse and probably do or say something we will soon regret. Apparently all that sweating and cursing yields very little. There really is so much movement in stillness.

"No thought, no action, no movement, total stillness. Only thus can one manifest the true nature and law of things from within and unconsciously, and at last become one with heaven and earth." Lao Tzu

Beautiful Flaws

I found an amazing tip on how to deal with flaws. Anything that requires me to make a list...you don't have to ask me twice...I am on it like white on rice. On your list, write down your best traits or all your good traits and not so good traits. Reading your good traits everyday reminds you of what an amazing person you are, and your not so good traits keep you humble. What are we trying to achieve? We are aiming for BALANCE.
This list will remind you of your strengths and fuel the desire to change the not so good things about you. I am a host of imperfection and it's nice to know that no one is perfect...(but they really should make a manual on "how to be perfect" I sure would like that.)

My list (the short version).

My good best traits.

1. I always go the extra mile for people
2. I give good advise
3. I work hard
4. I am tolerant
5. I forgive easily
6. I smile a lot

My worst not so good traits

1. I love hard (sometimes good, sometimes not good)
2. I am difficult complex
3. I am sarcastic
4. It's the small stuff that bothers me the most
5. I am passionate aka too deep a person (needs verifying)
6. I am an introvert.

I hope this balance thing really works out because I cannot wait to be perfect in my imperfections. Make your lists and we can all give this "theory" a try. Good luck.xxx

No Butterflies, No Rainbows, No cute Rabbits week!

Oh my life, what a week! What a horrendous week! The only ray of sunlight that shone on my mess was that I had a job and I like my job description (most times). At least that's something to smile about. Right?

I hadn't felt such emptiness and loneliness in a while as I've been on a constant happy-go-happy trip. Apparently when you least expect them, the lonely and wretched ghosts shout 'SURPRISE IT'S EMPTY PARTY TIME'. How does one get from such highs to such lows? Let me clear something out, this is NOT a pity party, it might sound like it, it might even look like it, it might be called one by some BUT it's NOT a pity party. I am solely responsible for my misery.(hooray) No, that would be a lie, let's add my alarm clock and non conducive roads to the causes. 

Funny story I have, The other day, I gave one of my 'I love life speeches' to my dearest friend. "Life is beautiful, you should embrace it. See, you're a beautiful and intelligent person with a body to die for and you deserve a whole cake". If you're wondering whether I felt hypocritical, well...wonder no more. I did not (Yay me). Although I meant every single word made in that speech, all I really wanted to do was to give her one of my imaginary black scarfs, dark round sunglasses, and listen to the 25 most exquisitely sad songs ever written and performed, rest her head on my laps as I hum to each one of these songs. We would have had the time of our lives..eh?

I was physically exhausted, emotionally drained and HUNGRY all the time! I managed to wake every day and smile with cracked lips all the while wanting to throw the gloves in and just give up...just give in as the end prize's worthiness had diminished in my sight. Every time I made the fickle decision to give up, a sign appeared and He wouldn't let me. He kept reminding me through the smallest of things that He never fails, that this too shall pass like every good and bad thing that's in the past. 

So...being the warrior woman I am, I decided to keep fighting, waking and sleeping using that back up energy stored from my happier days. Regardless of the past week's busy schedule, conflicting emotions and semi "bi-polar" tendencies, I managed to stay at peace. I could feel my heart smiling, chuckling and muttering, "you're a naughty warrior". With all the crazy unpleasantries that unfolded in the past week, I am certain that my happy days will come back running Kiprotich speed to me. For now, let's fake it till we make it. After all, time is just time and it ALWAYS passes...it always passes.

MY BEAUTIFUL COUNTRY IN IRON CHAINS.

I drive by in my car with tinted windows and full on AC singing to the music pulsing through my radio. I passively see what’s going on around me. A woman with three children, one on her back, the other on her side and holding the third’s hand. I see beggars on every corner, and somehow my heart’s not responsive. I am immune to the gaping poverty all around me. The buildings sing in a low hushed  voice, singing so low as they sink into the ground, dirty water running through the city. The child bends and washes his little pale face with this same water.

Why am I wide-awake like it’s the first time I am seeing this hopelessness? Why do I feel ashamed? It's not my fault! Are we poor because of our government’s apathy and callous ways? Are we poor because of the laziness that society tolerates? We are lost in an abyss and there’s no one to save us. Not even the government we hold in such high esteem.

My country is beautiful, it has the potential for an economic boom, its beauty promises us prosperity. Children dying due to hunger and disease sleeping under our beds. The earth in its redness opens its hands as it takes all with it, no mercy in its eyes. My country, my poor, beautiful country held in iron chains and unable to break free.

I see a child, 14 years old, making his way through the traffic to my car with a sense of hope in his steps. He smiles thinking that I am reaching for some loose change. To his despair, I reach for the central lock to ascertain maximum security. My heart unresponsive, my music even louder, my country in chains. 

Open Letter 10/08/2012

Now that am back home in Kampala, I find myself excessively busy. I was always on my phone but of late I forget that I have one and even when it rings, it sounds so alien. When I lay in my bed at 10:30 pm and feel my feet sore from all the standing and my throat dry from all the talking, I find this sweet pain very rewarding. I am not surviving...I am on top and it's surreal.

The downside to being back home is that I miss my friends immensely. I find myself talking about them in almost all my conversations and I am certain that one of these days I will have no audience but I am learning to adjust. (I am still wishing that they all lived in Uganda.) I don't get to have DMCs (Deep Meaningful Conversations) on the daily but am glad Research In Motion has made our lives a lot easier.

My heart is at peace, I have never felt this before. I am loving this season. I am loving meeting my old friends and laughing wildly like Bertha Mason (how I love Jane Eyre). I don't want this season to end. It's a good place to be.

Keep your heart at peace, free your mind, no envy, no hate, just sip your cocktail and live it breezy.

17/07/2012 OPEN LETTER

Today was a perfect day. It was one of those days with 1000 moments of everything good. I had my family with me...(well quarter of them) and then I got a new family. I had my friends with me (just 1/3 of them) and it was more than I expected. I was filled with joy I cannot express in words and in awe of God's goodness to me through these lovely people. 

The music playing, the glimmer in everyone's eyes, the food and champagne that was endless. Indeed only such things happen once in a while and I had my 'once in a while' and I am glad I shared it with some of the most important people in my life.

This is life, this is love, this is passion, this is carrying cork-less champagne bottles, this is today!

Is that a compliment?

Most of us have a thing or two against being complimented. 


Exhibit A


Girl:                         I like your nails, and I love the polish, I can never work that colour!
Me/you (thoughts): REALLY? I think my nails are okay, besides I have fat fingers, they do look like sausages. Do I counter offer a compliment? awww...I always liked her, maybe we shall become bffs. I never liked weaves anyway.
Me/You (answer): Really? I thought this colour was dodgy plus my fingers are fat! I really do like your shoes.


Exhibit B


Boy:                          Hi... I haven't seen you in forever!!! You look really nice!!!
Me/You (thoughts): "Really nice" hmm..How bad was it before? Ghosh I thought I was the only one who realised how bad I used to look before.! Okay, so I look "really nice", if I smile too wide, I might creep him out and he might think I like him, WAIT...am not the one giving out the compliment so maybe he might like me. What am I going to have for dinner?I hate soup! IS HE STARING AT MY NOSE??? How rude!
Me/You (answer):  Yeah, it's been forever... Sorry, I'm in a rush but nice bumping into you. Bye.


Why is it so hard to just say 'Thank You' without the need for flight or counter offers? Personally I think we have ridiculed selves too many times to take any compliment seriously. We easily think that we are being made fun of or they possibly don't mean it and are just using it as an icebreaker. Am sure we all have our reasons why we would rather freeze in the cold than accept a compliment. 


My suggestion: I suggest that we start by believing that we aren't as bad looking as we think we are and just humbly say 'thank you' whenever we are paid a compliment and refrain from acting strange. Many of us want to be "powerful somethings" so what kind of precedent shall we set for those who will look up to us?