*Whistle*...followed by *Taxi!*

Home is where the heart, body and soul belong, and the thoughts about leaving home for a longer period of time are scattered all over the brain. I am excited to leave and grow and spread my wings as New York is my 2nd biggest dream from rock ages. Now, it is more than a dream, it has manifested itself into reality.  For a while I was beyond EXCITED, although now that I am left with a few more days at home am catching the blues. I miss home already and yet am still here. Maybe that is a good thing, maybe when I get there, I won't miss home as much. 

You know what really frightens me? Being forgotten by the people I hold so dear to me or worse me forgetting them.  Distance sort of gives us only two options. 1. You either miss people or 2. you forget people. I'd rather be missed and miss. I pray to God with all the faith in me that everything will work out just perfectly and when the time comes for us to be reunited it will feel like time stood still just for us. 

New York, New York singing my name, you and I are going to be great friends. I guess you can make home anywhere you choose. This is my dream come true, scared like a little girl but not afraid for I trust in the highest power that is God. I will miss the colourfulness, I will miss my car and bed, I will miss my friends immensely, I will miss her and him but I will miss you the most. 

We are young, have no strong commitments or attachments at the moment, so we should live in technicolor and put a 'ding' wherever we choose to go. I am ready to live, more now than ever!

"Twenty years from now you will be more disappointed by the things that you didn't do than by the ones you did do. So throw off the bowlines. Sail away from the safe harbor. Catch the trade winds in your sails. Explore. Dream. Discover."

-- Mark Twain

Open letter

I have always wanted to live in hotels because I am the queen "lover of things". Waking up to tables filled with breakfast goodies and rolling around in clean white sheets. The cheery good mornings and "some more tea?" followed by late lunches on table set Islands.  That fast enviable wifi that I use so greedily as if it would be lost if I were to shut my laptop even for a minute. Oh what a life! 

Without further ado, I am ready to go home. I know, I know...the irony!  What can I say? I miss my home. I miss the loud noise at the dinner table (we are only four people but we manage to sound like thirteen people and a hen.) I miss watching television with one of us or all acting as the commentator. I miss curling up in my bed watching repeated episodes of friends, that Julissa and Adrienne reality show which by the way I think is extremely unpleasant and the rib cracking Will and Grace. How I miss you Karen!

I am grateful to God that He has given me these hotel days to change my mind on that whole highlife lifestyle. As of tonight, I do want to live in a house, one that will become a home filled with warmth, love and guaranteed good times. Sorry to my high maintenance side but I think we have grown up a bit. Now that I have found new appreciation for homes, I am going to do some house hunting for when the monies come rushing in. I mean, if I have to get a house it must at least look like a hotel.

...spoilt for choice...

The thing I love most about my generation is we are such passionate beings. We do everything with that extra oomph. We research hard, we have strong opinions, we are very intelligent and we want to make a grand difference in the world. It is good that we want to live and make positive changes and I encourage it strongly BUT the thing that brings down our generation is we are inconstant because of the many options we are blessed with. One day we want chicken and we swear we cannot do without it and the next day we want vegetables and we swear we cannot live without them.

 My aunt and I had a tea date to examine my "complicated" being and ideas, and as I rant over, she sat there in silence with amusement in her eyes. When I had fully used up all the words in the dictionary, she motioned to the waiter to fill my tea cup (a move to defer me from further talk). She narrated a "parable" to me.  "A man desired to build a house, he got all the paper work done necessary for the loan to be approved, bought land in the most lucrative area. He was so proud of himself and he was determined to see this house complete so he could earn profit. When he was just about to put a roof over it, he received news that there was land in a newer and much more lucrative area and that he would be a fool not to invest in that area. So he went through the whole process of acquiring loans (AGAIN) determined to buy land and see his newest house complete with tenants. To start the new house, he had to leave the old house without a roof and direct all finances to the most current project. The old house suffered the effects of rain, termites and became a garden for weeds. Unfortunately, he was not able to complete his new house due to the lack of funds as he had not invested in anything. He lost everything and he had a loan to repay with a sky high interest. That is your generation"( say what? clearly she wasn't born in 1990. she has absolutely no idea what she is talking about!SHE IS AN ADULT!!!)

For a while I could not conceive the meaning of that "parable" because it did not resonate with my life. (I thought to myself, 'Is she kidding me? I have my priorities all figured out. I would never be like that man. He was simply foolish. I do not do foolish things.') How we like to think so high of ourselves!
It did finally sink in when I found myself in that illusive man's situation.  She was right, we do want to take part in ALL things. I will start with something we can all relate to. How quickly do we forget the "IT spots" in Kampala? How fast do people become popular and unpopular  in less than a month? How many people actually know what they want? It is not bad to be involved in everything but as you start on that new house, the unroofed house is susceptible to ruin. One must be smart. Why do you do what you do? Why have you chosen a particular cause, path, course, meal?

I work with out of this world amazing women, the kind that are forced to flee their countries due to wars and conflicts and they find themselves in the poorest state of life in their new "homes". (I really do think that they are amazing because I am incapable of enduring their daily struggles) Of course the first thing that came to my mind was 'Yesss, this is where it all goes down and I am going to bring "christmas" to this group, all I need to do is to tell them what they deserve, how to claim back their rights and humanity and ALAS "rich" they will magically become.'
I went home with a skip in my walk and added refugee women on my list of to do things.

The magical list

1.Find a cure for  HIV/AIDS
2.Adopt ALL the orphans
3.Go to the United Nations and give them a piece (peace) of my mind
4.STOP all wars, conflicts
5.STOP Gender based Violence
6.Educate Refugees and asylum seekers on their specific Human rights under the 1951 convention and 1967 protocol relating to the status of refugees.
       :-) (yes, I did add a smiley face at the end of my list)

Denial had been my inseparable friend along these visits but one can only fight for too long. After many visits to the women groups, I allowed myself to feel and recognise what I was amidst. It hit me like a wave that I could not and cannot save everyone, I cannot blame society or the government for the state people are in, the blame game simply wastes our time and that is what our generation does. Oh do we do it so well, it is like we all have natural 1st class degrees in 'blame it on the government, blame it on the alcohol, blame it on my parents, blame it on my not being cool, blame it on my coolness, blame it on my education'. It is such an exhausting vast list.

Humility set in as I realised that I came to these women with this attitude "I shall save thee from it all because I am smart" yet all I needed to do was to relate. I had failed miserably in that "be relatable" department. I used to get really agitated when I saw foreigners come down to earth and literally live the lives of the people they work with. I would mutter "what do they understand, they aren't African" but I now get it. You get people to trust you when you make the effort to relate with them, when you sit down on the broken chairs and not stand tall because you don't want to mess your good outfit (I know there's nothing as annoying as wasting a good outfit especially if no one has seen it) but we have got to make that effort to reach in.  At the end of it all, we want the same exact thing...water, food, poverty eradication.etc. The "house" I am building should be an investment that will lead to the eradication of other things on my list of to do things.

We can have as many dreams as we desire and we can achieve them all but we have to do it one at a time because we are not super humans. We like to think we can multi task and for some time you might, but that will not last for long. You want to learn football? Learn football, master it well and then learn tennis and then go on to teach both. You cannot learn football, leave it unfinished and immediately desire tennis skills and the next month you want to school others in those  fields. It is a waste of "unrefined" good skills.

We should get to know whatever we desire to pursue in and out and see it through to the finish line because we are not clowns to juggle all opportunity at once. I truly believe we all have the ability to succeed at whatever we set our solid mind to. If you want to get something done, stick with it and DO IT! The world demands scrupulous people. I am going to stick to one thing on my list and complete it before I take on something else. It does not necessarily mean that I cannot be involved in other causes. It just means that I am prioritising, starting with the most pressing issue in MY eyes before I am corrupted by other lucrative causes.

'No legacy is so rich as honesty'

I occasionally tell blatant lies because I except the receiver of these untruths to know that am only kidding. Things have a way of accumulating! The other day I was asked a question by someone so dear to me. It was such a simple question that I could have answered honestly but instead I let a lie slip out of my mouth. I was almost unaware of what was coming out of my mouth until it was ALL out. I had planned to stick to my story but I couldn't because I felt so ugly inside and for that moment I didn't like me at all for being so cruel. So I told the truth immediately, it was so embarrassing as I like to think that I am a very honest being. I had a very legit reason for telling that big lie because it was going to save a good relationship. Telling a lie was the quickest solution to solving the dilemma but it made the other party feel unworthy of the truth. 
I made an immediate decision to stop telling small unnecessary lies as they are bound to turn into streets and skyscrapers which may suddenly come tumbling down on my being. I am glad I embraced the truth and I intend to continue on that good old path to honesty. 


Some people will not tolerate such emotional honesty in communication.  They would rather defend their dishonesty on the grounds that it might hurt others.  Therefore, having rationalised their phoniness into nobility, they settle for superficial relationships.  ~Author Unknown

HELLO SWEET NOVEMBER

I love November due to personal interests that I have invested in this particular month.  Last night I was in a high state of excitement, I could barely sleep. This morning I got to work extra early as I had  made it a competition between me and the rest of the unknowing staff and I undisputedly came in first place! 

Taking pleasure in my victories, I sat in my car humming to a song. I really had done me proud! Of course it did not come as shock to my system when I locked myself, my breakfast and my bag inside my car. I mean this is something that happens to "overachievers" every other day! For a moment I almost rubbed 1st November off the calendar for interfering with my moment of glory. Nevertheless, I love you November because;

1. It is THANKSGIVING month!!! This is not a celebrated holiday in Uganda and I don't mean to go all American on anyone BUT my family officially adopted this holiday a few years back and I am very much excited to organise it this year. Turkey will not make it on anyone's menu because we are going to keep it Ugandan with chicken, besides I have never liked the idea of eating big birds!

2.  My birthday - I am a lover of all things best, I want the sparkly cards and the wrapped gifts,just thinking about it gives me butterflies and goosebumps. I have mentally thrown extravagant balls in my honour on this particular day and given out free pairs of Christian Louboutin shoes to the lady guests and premier league football tickets to the male guests. *LAUGHS OUT LOUD* A girl can dream. This year, I am throwing a modest ball, one that I can afford. I am going to spend that day with my mother...

3. Mother dearest's birthday - She's not big on surprises so I'll have to wine and dine her and unfortunately she is going to pay. I really should get a job that pays me Ashton Kutcher figures. (Anyone know of any job in Hollywood?)

4. Some of my favourite people were born in this month, and I take immense pleasure in celebrating with them. It's like a party month really...everyone is happy and eating cake, what more can we ask for???

5. I have a very good feeling about November this year. I am ready to roll :-)


I dedicate this month to my mother, the most hard working, sincere woman I know who has shared her wisdom with me over the years. I do not know what we would do without each other. We have been best friends for 22 years now and shared the best of each other. I know not much in this life but with ALL my being I know having her with me is the best thing that has ever happened to me.  I love you mother.

Happy November month beautiful people.xxx 

LAUGH

I am a certified 'laugh-er" (allow me to use my own word), apparently the more I love someone, the funnier I find them and consequently the harder I laugh. This thesis is yet to be proved as my friends are bonafide exaggerators. Regardless of the love-ometer, you can always count on me to laugh at anything. I rarely have Kristen Stewart photos of myself or that pouty thing because I have laugh marks the size of gullies, so you're most likely to stumble upon a smiley picture of me like I just won a four year vacation with Pharrell Williams (By the way P, I think it's about time if you're reading this...just NOT saying)

There's something so freeing about those "pee releasing laughters", am yet to experience those but I get a huge feeling they are very selective although I've managed to literally lose my breath laughing (while watching 'what to expect when expecting') my neighbours at the cinema thought I was getting untimely seizures. 
I am not saying laugh inappropriately...(yet to define what I mean by that) but do release yourself. Laugh at your own stupidity, life is too serious with all the "what next in life monologues".  When the moment to laugh and be the loudest comes riding on that black horse...TAKE IT and roll on!


“I love people who make me laugh. I honestly think it's the thing I like most, to laugh. It cures a multitude of ills. It's probably the most important thing in a person.” Audrey Hepburn

How tough was your break-up? more chocolate please...

"Relationships are harder now because conversations became texting, arguments became phone calls, feelings became subliminal messages online, sex became easy. The word 'LOVE' gets used out of context, insecurities have become your way of thinking. Getting jealous became a habit, trust has been lost, cheating became an accident, leaving became the only option and being hurt became natural"

For my refreshing raindrop...

The moment you mentally establish and realise that whatever sort of relationship you had with a certain male person has come to its expiration date has got to be the most awkward, funniest and low moments a girl can experience. Oh yes, and that question, 'who dumped who?' ARE YOU KIDDING ME??? In my time of distress and sorrow you're going to ask me such a disrespectful question? SERIOUSLY? Errr why don't you go and eat a wet frog and don't forget to take your question with you. Honest to goodness, some times we are so cruel to those hurting emotionally.

There are many reasons why people "break up", the first is the infamous cheating, followed by its despicable half siblings lies and general bad manners. Of course the lesser evil list isn't to be forgotten...falling out of 'like' or 'love' with each other, it isn't you...it's me type of reasons (wait, that should be closely behind cheating), the good old long distance and apparently short distance too. The list is long so I'll save us from those minuscule details.

It really doesn't matter what your reason is, we can all agree on one thing that boy oh boy do we suffer from the terrors of heartbreak and heart bruises. That aftermath characterised  by endless tears (anything less than shower hour and dim lights doesn't suffice) really, if you're gonna cry your heart out make it memorable, 'I want to kill you punch your one eye out' ipod playlist, going crazy trying to figure out what you did wrong? what's not right with you, oppressive and constant memories of what used to be that just won't quit! and of course, missing that significant ex so much that you wish you could throw a rock at his face so he could know how much it hurt. 

We desire to properly hate that ex and actually mean it so it could hurt a little less for us and yet still wish to be embraced by the same person, like his embrace would consume all your pain away. You feel scared that you might never heal from it all, for every stitch on your heart is frail and likely to come undone every time you cross paths. yes 'we are never so vulnerable as when we love' and I know moving on is as hard as walking on toothpicks. I have good news for you, being single is not an STD, it doesn't tone down your awesomeness... plus you don't have to anticipate any break-ups...what a relief!

I literally beg of you, please do NOT hate your ex...well I know in some situations it's hard but make peace with the situation as it is. There's nothing heavier than carrying a burden that shouldn't be yours. Baggage shouldn't be part of your new life, you're not a camel or a scania truck...so let it go.  Some exes need to be out of your life. It doesn't mean that they are bad people, it means they died in the first 3 minutes of the movie...(yes Chris Brown remember how you met death so fast in stomp the yard?)


Like seriously, I wish it was mandatory to sign contracts before stepping into a happy go lucky relationship that conveniently ends in a sticky situation. A detailed contract of 5000 words with pictorial evidence of what to expect if all comes tumbling down. I for one would really appreciate that, maybe we would reconsider taking some steps. 

I do promise that if your heart is in the right place, everything will get better, you'll put that chocolate bar down, stop sulking all the time and regain a hold of your life...you've got so much more to live for and it is  such an amazing life you have. Do not burn your brain out trying to figure out where it went wrong or what's wrong with you, honey...there is absolutely nothing wrong with you...people are just trying to figure themselves out too.

Be Still

I had a crazy Monday morning icited by the 'just a little more time in bed' procedure. I was ready to let myself fall apart and I quickly remembered how well that had worked out a fortnight back...So I conquered the Monday morning blues...that in my books simply means I am on top of IT the whole week.

So when all is spinning and life's filled with turmoil, stop for a minute and STILL yourself. Breathe in and out, say a little or a big prayer and suddenly all will unravel like a red woolen glove...(yes yes lady in Spain).
If we don't still ourselves, we are most likely to sweat profusely, curse and probably do or say something we will soon regret. Apparently all that sweating and cursing yields very little. There really is so much movement in stillness.

"No thought, no action, no movement, total stillness. Only thus can one manifest the true nature and law of things from within and unconsciously, and at last become one with heaven and earth." Lao Tzu

Beautiful Flaws

I found an amazing tip on how to deal with flaws. Anything that requires me to make a list...you don't have to ask me twice...I am on it like white on rice. On your list, write down your best traits or all your good traits and not so good traits. Reading your good traits everyday reminds you of what an amazing person you are, and your not so good traits keep you humble. What are we trying to achieve? We are aiming for BALANCE.
This list will remind you of your strengths and fuel the desire to change the not so good things about you. I am a host of imperfection and it's nice to know that no one is perfect...(but they really should make a manual on "how to be perfect" I sure would like that.)

My list (the short version).

My good best traits.

1. I always go the extra mile for people
2. I give good advise
3. I work hard
4. I am tolerant
5. I forgive easily
6. I smile a lot

My worst not so good traits

1. I love hard (sometimes good, sometimes not good)
2. I am difficult complex
3. I am sarcastic
4. It's the small stuff that bothers me the most
5. I am passionate aka too deep a person (needs verifying)
6. I am an introvert.

I hope this balance thing really works out because I cannot wait to be perfect in my imperfections. Make your lists and we can all give this "theory" a try. Good luck.xxx

No Butterflies, No Rainbows, No cute Rabbits week!

Oh my life, what a week! What a horrendous week! The only ray of sunlight that shone on my mess was that I had a job and I like my job description (most times). At least that's something to smile about. Right?

I hadn't felt such emptiness and loneliness in a while as I've been on a constant happy-go-happy trip. Apparently when you least expect them, the lonely and wretched ghosts shout 'SURPRISE IT'S EMPTY PARTY TIME'. How does one get from such highs to such lows? Let me clear something out, this is NOT a pity party, it might sound like it, it might even look like it, it might be called one by some BUT it's NOT a pity party. I am solely responsible for my misery.(hooray) No, that would be a lie, let's add my alarm clock and non conducive roads to the causes. 

Funny story I have, The other day, I gave one of my 'I love life speeches' to my dearest friend. "Life is beautiful, you should embrace it. See, you're a beautiful and intelligent person with a body to die for and you deserve a whole cake". If you're wondering whether I felt hypocritical, well...wonder no more. I did not (Yay me). Although I meant every single word made in that speech, all I really wanted to do was to give her one of my imaginary black scarfs, dark round sunglasses, and listen to the 25 most exquisitely sad songs ever written and performed, rest her head on my laps as I hum to each one of these songs. We would have had the time of our lives..eh?

I was physically exhausted, emotionally drained and HUNGRY all the time! I managed to wake every day and smile with cracked lips all the while wanting to throw the gloves in and just give up...just give in as the end prize's worthiness had diminished in my sight. Every time I made the fickle decision to give up, a sign appeared and He wouldn't let me. He kept reminding me through the smallest of things that He never fails, that this too shall pass like every good and bad thing that's in the past. 

So...being the warrior woman I am, I decided to keep fighting, waking and sleeping using that back up energy stored from my happier days. Regardless of the past week's busy schedule, conflicting emotions and semi "bi-polar" tendencies, I managed to stay at peace. I could feel my heart smiling, chuckling and muttering, "you're a naughty warrior". With all the crazy unpleasantries that unfolded in the past week, I am certain that my happy days will come back running Kiprotich speed to me. For now, let's fake it till we make it. After all, time is just time and it ALWAYS passes...it always passes.

MY BEAUTIFUL COUNTRY IN IRON CHAINS.

I drive by in my car with tinted windows and full on AC singing to the music pulsing through my radio. I passively see what’s going on around me. A woman with three children, one on her back, the other on her side and holding the third’s hand. I see beggars on every corner, and somehow my heart’s not responsive. I am immune to the gaping poverty all around me. The buildings sing in a low hushed  voice, singing so low as they sink into the ground, dirty water running through the city. The child bends and washes his little pale face with this same water.

Why am I wide-awake like it’s the first time I am seeing this hopelessness? Why do I feel ashamed? It's not my fault! Are we poor because of our government’s apathy and callous ways? Are we poor because of the laziness that society tolerates? We are lost in an abyss and there’s no one to save us. Not even the government we hold in such high esteem.

My country is beautiful, it has the potential for an economic boom, its beauty promises us prosperity. Children dying due to hunger and disease sleeping under our beds. The earth in its redness opens its hands as it takes all with it, no mercy in its eyes. My country, my poor, beautiful country held in iron chains and unable to break free.

I see a child, 14 years old, making his way through the traffic to my car with a sense of hope in his steps. He smiles thinking that I am reaching for some loose change. To his despair, I reach for the central lock to ascertain maximum security. My heart unresponsive, my music even louder, my country in chains. 

Open Letter 10/08/2012

Now that am back home in Kampala, I find myself excessively busy. I was always on my phone but of late I forget that I have one and even when it rings, it sounds so alien. When I lay in my bed at 10:30 pm and feel my feet sore from all the standing and my throat dry from all the talking, I find this sweet pain very rewarding. I am not surviving...I am on top and it's surreal.

The downside to being back home is that I miss my friends immensely. I find myself talking about them in almost all my conversations and I am certain that one of these days I will have no audience but I am learning to adjust. (I am still wishing that they all lived in Uganda.) I don't get to have DMCs (Deep Meaningful Conversations) on the daily but am glad Research In Motion has made our lives a lot easier.

My heart is at peace, I have never felt this before. I am loving this season. I am loving meeting my old friends and laughing wildly like Bertha Mason (how I love Jane Eyre). I don't want this season to end. It's a good place to be.

Keep your heart at peace, free your mind, no envy, no hate, just sip your cocktail and live it breezy.

17/07/2012 OPEN LETTER

Today was a perfect day. It was one of those days with 1000 moments of everything good. I had my family with me...(well quarter of them) and then I got a new family. I had my friends with me (just 1/3 of them) and it was more than I expected. I was filled with joy I cannot express in words and in awe of God's goodness to me through these lovely people. 

The music playing, the glimmer in everyone's eyes, the food and champagne that was endless. Indeed only such things happen once in a while and I had my 'once in a while' and I am glad I shared it with some of the most important people in my life.

This is life, this is love, this is passion, this is carrying cork-less champagne bottles, this is today!

Is that a compliment?

Most of us have a thing or two against being complimented. 


Exhibit A


Girl:                         I like your nails, and I love the polish, I can never work that colour!
Me/you (thoughts): REALLY? I think my nails are okay, besides I have fat fingers, they do look like sausages. Do I counter offer a compliment? awww...I always liked her, maybe we shall become bffs. I never liked weaves anyway.
Me/You (answer): Really? I thought this colour was dodgy plus my fingers are fat! I really do like your shoes.


Exhibit B


Boy:                          Hi... I haven't seen you in forever!!! You look really nice!!!
Me/You (thoughts): "Really nice" hmm..How bad was it before? Ghosh I thought I was the only one who realised how bad I used to look before.! Okay, so I look "really nice", if I smile too wide, I might creep him out and he might think I like him, WAIT...am not the one giving out the compliment so maybe he might like me. What am I going to have for dinner?I hate soup! IS HE STARING AT MY NOSE??? How rude!
Me/You (answer):  Yeah, it's been forever... Sorry, I'm in a rush but nice bumping into you. Bye.


Why is it so hard to just say 'Thank You' without the need for flight or counter offers? Personally I think we have ridiculed selves too many times to take any compliment seriously. We easily think that we are being made fun of or they possibly don't mean it and are just using it as an icebreaker. Am sure we all have our reasons why we would rather freeze in the cold than accept a compliment. 


My suggestion: I suggest that we start by believing that we aren't as bad looking as we think we are and just humbly say 'thank you' whenever we are paid a compliment and refrain from acting strange. Many of us want to be "powerful somethings" so what kind of precedent shall we set for those who will look up to us?

My BuCkEt LiSt.

The meaning of Life has been made clear to all of us almost too often...One day we are alive, the next we are gone. "We are just like grass, and all our glory is like wild flowers. The grass withers and the flowers fall." We have been endowed with such a priceless gift, how you live your life is your business. I don't believe in YOLO because in my next life I am coming back as Gabrielle Bonheur Chanel aka Coco.


bucket list

1. Live in a foreign country for six months... that way I get to immerse myself in culture, act all touristy, meet new people and probably get citizenship in that country.


2. Live in New York City. I know it's so cliché but that's because it's an amazing city. I was 12 years old when I first visited New York. At that age we know very little about what we want, but New York defies age! I just want to get lost in the city, be part of the big crowd, buy cheap designer clothes and rent bags so I can write an autobiography on how I survived in the big apple. 


3. Dance Classes in pole dancing, Salsa, Ballroom, hip-hop, African fusion...I considered ballet but I think my bones are too old to stretch further than 60 degrees, at most!


4. Skinny Dippin'... as they say "bare as you dare"


5. Carnival in Rio de Janeiro. I have personal reservations on Brazil due to its depiction in movies but I love looking at Carnival Pictures and videos. The clothes, MUSIC, accessories and just being part of a large crowd where shoving of people is legally authorised. WHO WOULDN'T LOVE THAT?


6. Road trip with my closest friends to an Island...All paid vacation because I am a lover of all things good.


7. Fall in love and be cheesy and romantic. I actually do want to ride a tandem bike, slow dance in the moonlight, have the big fights, butterflies and rainbows... and in the background have John Legend's P.D.A (we just don't care). (Wonder what the title of this movie would be?)


8. Hello Ellen Degeneres...I think she is so cool, I've practiced her dance moves and am sure WHEN we meet, she's going to love me.


9. My friend introduced me to Andrea Bocelli's 'the prayer' song, and I fell in love with his music. When Celine Dion introduced him, she made it sound like he had died, turns out he was going to sing via satellite. Oh well, I'd love to meet him. He'll sing on my children's baptism. Please stay alive.


10. Meet the F.R.I.E.N.D.S. Cast... 


11. Mariah Carey to sing at my wedding (if I have one)


12. Become a better public speaker... I fear I might talk more than I usually do.


13. Get into Harvard...make friends with someone who has gone to Harvard.


14. Have a street named after me..NO.. have a town named after me.:-)


15. Make a difference in one person's life every week.


16. Live in a 5 star Hotel for at least one year. I love everything hotels,the white sheets and towels, the 
general fresh smell, people are so cordial.


17. Get my sister to write and publish a cook book. She is turning 14 years of age. She is such an amazing cook.


18. EXPERIENCE BLISS


19. Visit India because everyone visits India. *light bulb moment* I can take part in conversations whose focus is on India, not only will I sound smart, I'll be looked at as the adventurous type! 


20. Get the courage to confront people... I'm so timid, I don't like to upset anyone so I do what the reasonable coward does...I take the blame like Akon. 


I have over 50 things to get done on my bucket list, 30 of them are highly unrealistic so I will probably leave it in a will and maliciously impose it on someone. :-D

...THEY...

They told me I would never grow tall...(fine they were right),
They told you that you would never shine...You're a star.
They told you that you would never have great things, your darling little heart worked so hard, and you got ten thousand on ten thousand great things.
They say that everyone says you're like your father, mother, sister, brother, aunts, uncles and your whole clan...You're nothing like that. You are your own person with a family to belong to BUT you are unique (You-nique)
They said sadness would be your daily companion, your only friend...you have the loudest laugh, the kind that's contagious, the kind that brings tears to your eyes.
Who are THEY? This group of elusive people who think they know so much about you? They are inexistent! They will only take the reins if you let them. Until we can find these "they" people, we are not going to pay attention to negative remarks, we are going to be the people we were created to be. People who are ready to run the world! (Thank you Bey for that!)

For my SOULIE

There's a darkness that lurks around when the first morning light appears...trying to ignore it, you put a red ribbon in your hair with a yellow cardigan and pink scarf to just force the day into mellow-day. Happy songs not so happy but you still put up a good fight. When you're about to have the last punch...when you're about to step on the darkness, when you've just let out a little laugh...IT turns around and puts you down. IT kills the little joy you had...and even when you try to sing "this little light of mine, am gonna let it shine...let it shine, let it shine, let....." *voice fades and the light's out* 


Today has been a dark day for one of my most favourite people in the whole world, and it breaks my heart, my whole being inside is dead because her heart is open and it's bleeding...there's nothing I can do to make it all stop...I pray more than a thousand prayers that God's strength will be enough because we are all fragile but they are more fragile in this moment. 
We sleep and hope for better days, for days when you shall smile upon them, when you appear through rainbows, when you put your arms around them and whisper..."it is well", we pray for that peace that transcends all understanding, the kind that will guard your hearts and minds in Christ Jesus. 

LIVING FULLY IN TODAY.

Good morning BEAUTIFUL people!!!!!!!
I am back and I am all yours from now on...Exams are done and dusted for most of us and we can only pray and hope for the best results. :-) I hope everyone reading this is fine in all senses of the word 'fine'.

Seize the day


I woke up tempted to just slack the day away, remain in my bed, turn and toss in my bed because I can BUT something within me could not let me. I found myself awake at 8 am and I was so dissatisfied, I am done with exams, I deserve to sleep and wake up at 6pm and sleep some more because the past few days have been characterised with insomnia and dreams filled with law articles. If sleeping beauty's sleep was justified, then so is mine!(my sleep wasn't as shallow as hers anyway!)

Regardless of psychotic discussion with self, I woke up and decided to do something with my day. To go out of my bedroom and to flourish in the most fabulous way I know. I urge you to live life to the fullest and get the most out of every individual day of the week. I know there's so much literature on that topic and sometimes we get cynical, questioning its worthiness. The only way to prove its worth is by trying it out! You will go to bed a much happier person.

Few things we can all do.


1. Smile at anyone...people will think you're beautiful even when you feel like a dirty duck.
2. Do something totally selfless...it can be anything e.g. talk to a street person
3. LEAVE YOUR BED
4. Say 'thank you' to someone close to you
5. COMB YOUR HAIR (sometimes that's all you need to do)

I am going to seize today, I am up and ready to take on the day with my awesomeness in Christ Jesus. The sun won't shine brighter than you and I today.
xxx

ONE MINUTE READ.

These past few days have been very busy ones with everyone preparing for exams...I have abandoned you and I have "stolen" 30 minutes to get something out there... Hmm...well I cannot say for sure that I have something interesting to write about, there's only much one can write in less than 30 minutes.


Many of us have been faced with trying times, my friend and I call that "falling on the evil days"and it's is quite challenging trying to prioritise what "issue" (I refrain from using the word "problem" because that's pulled out when dire times come knocking) to sort out first. There's the mother of all issues EXAMS, then the side but yet major issues of life, and am not talking about what outfit to put on the next morning, I am talking about real life issues that are outside just academics (tsunamis inclusive but the list is inexhaustible)   and the ones that fall in the "Dear Lord, why me?" category issues. 


I will be back to finish up in my next post...but for those who are feeling the strain...for now let's all try this simple "mantra"...'something good is going to happen to me (you) today', try saying that everyday and even when an "issue" arises, you will be looking forward to that good thing...I promise you, there is something good that's meant to happen to you EVERYDAY. We just let our issues literally cover our daily promise. So...'Yes' to the "mantra"? 


ps. "Live amazed, keep amazed, we get so used to things and then we forget to stay amazed." Keep amazed...You'll be very surprised at how good things come your way.

HAPPY TO BE ME

I was listening to Joyce Meyer and she said something I thought I'd share...There's no reason for us to hate our body parts...no reason at all. David understood his secret beauty and he was not ashamed to flaunt it...He wrote "I will praise You, for I am fearfully and wonderfully made...when I was made in secret and SKILLFULLY wrought in the lowest parts of the earth..." I do not mean to go all pastor on you (although I day dream about becoming a missionary) we like who we are because Christ is in us, so when someone says 'you're beautiful'...allow the compliment because you're not paying them to say it. We will never leave up to the world's standard of beauty...seriously...It will take me more than brazilian hair to look like Jessica Alba and co.   be happy to be you, with all your strangeness...be happy to be you...:-)

LOVE + HEARTBREAKS = MORE LOVE?

How do I feel about HEARTBREAKS and LOVE??? I could write ten thousand books on this topic alone but due to the high priority I give to my law essays, I will try and write just a little.
I will write from a girl's perspective (these views are not universal).
Most great women we love and admire have a love story gone wrong and these great women are all the women in the world.


I think a heartbreak is a blessing in disguise. It gives you time to reinvent yourself and to fully understand your own mystery. Grieving time is there for a reason. It enables you to think about all the death threats you can issue, all the songs you can possibly write (bless Adele) and a grace period to look horrendous. Most people in our age group would rather die than profess their undying love/strong-like (call it whatever you want to call it) for each other. Is it shameful to love?Why is love associated with weakness?Is it because we are dying to be loved by a "special" person and because we are afraid of rejection we act all nonchalant and hardcore? There is no shame or regret in love and I think to love and to be loved in return is one of the nicest feelings ever and everyone should at least experience it in their life time. 
Of course with beautiful things comes grave risks.Yes, loving might be a mistake but it's worth making. Am not saying we should love stupidly like those Romeo and Juliet people but love sensibly like what is written in 1st Corinthians 13 . (My favourite Bible verse). 

"Love is patient; it is not jealous or conceited or proud; love is not ill mannered or selfish or irritable; love does not keep a record of wrongs; love is not happy with evil, but is happy with the truth. Love never gives up; and its faith, hope and patience never fail. Love is eternal. 


I am aware that love defies logic sometimes and we might go out of our way to do the most shameful things but I do not see anywhere in that chapter "love is death". WARNING *Do NOT follow the steps of these people Romeo and Juliet, Cleopatra and Mark Antony, Paolo and Francesca. They all died because of love.*
How does one deal with a love gone wrong? I do not know but the answer is not in a sword, poison or bad hair. No one writes a manual for brokenhearted people. I am not going to be of much use either but I have my "powerful" pep talk that gets me through harsh situations that make my heart crumble. 


My personal pep talk, 'As women, we feel everything to the core of our hearts. We are like vampires with heightened emotions except we do not have the "switch off" option. So feel bitter if you want, feel disappointed, be dramatic about it all...BUT do not lose 'you' in the process and allow to heal. There's more pain awaiting us on the other side at the age of 26 to 50 and it's called child birth and from the videos I have watched, that's got to be the most painful self inflicted experience ever! So a heartbreak is just a heartbreak, it might hurt for a while but it is bearable and time heals everything.' 


I understand that love and heartbreaks are designed differently for every individual, and coping methods differ but as my mother says, "there's no need to try so hard like your life depended on the other person's existence. Fall in love with yourself before you fall in love with someone else and when things go haywire, the love you have for yourself will be enough to get you moving"...she always ends with "If it's meant to be it's meant to be".


Love hurts and that's why people are so reluctant to get into it, digging invisible holes to hide their feelings as they approach and if you want to live like that, that's perfectly alright. You'll never fully experience loss or hurt because you've guarded your nonexistent "diamond mines" and maybe that's a good thing. Right? I say when you feel the love for someone let yourself feel, if the other person feels the same even better...it really shouldn't matter who says what, when and where because it is a personal experience. And when it hurts, and hurts real bad just remember that in the end you loved and open your heart for more possibilities of love and heartbreak.

...happiness wherever you go...

We owe it to God to be happy and we have to stop investing in other people to make us happy. They were not born to solely make you happy, even Britney knows that it's a lie (I was born to make you happy!). I think it's okay to be selfish with yourself. Why try to please someone over and over again like an "apple" commercial? I am a firm believer in trying to make things work such as friendships, electronics, machinery,marriage. e.t.c. I am a sucker for all sorts of "happy endings" but even I respect the rule "one must give up when their true happiness is compromised."  


People are just people and yes we shall disappoint each other. Sometimes it comes from a good place, sometimes it doesn't BUT it is okay to LET GO when you have had enough...It is okay to not be okay with a situation. Do not let some "empty" heart leave you bitter or feeling like you are not worth loving.
We make things so complicated by creating formulae, making all sorts of excuses yet it really is that simple. We don't have to please anyone if it's going to suffocate us and flat-line our joy and happiness.
You are awesome, and it's okay if no one acknowledges that because GOD does. 
Breathe a little and Lose yourself in happiness...

"Some cause happiness wherever they go; others whenever they go." Oscar Wilde